Monday, June 3, 2019

Dreamwork

I write notes on my phone to remind me of possible blog topics. 


I have slowed down my blogging, I think, because I feel very busy at work. 

So, when I’m not working, I spend time with my loving wife, I read, and I try to get exercise… 

Additionally, I think there are so many good books, articles, and blogs out there… 

I don’t want to add to the “noise.” 

So, I write when I feel moved to write… 

One note I wrote was the following:

“Even though you might get lost for awhile, I would rather see you, whether young or old, still out searching for the Truth.” 

Of course, my own projection… 

I am always out searching for the Truth.  

Could be in the realms of conventional science, medicine, or the far edges of what is, or might be, true and real… 

Of course, some say “Everything is Real.” 

Jeremy Taylor wrote a wonderful book “Where People Fly and Water Runs Uphill:  Using Dreams to Tap the Wisdom of the Unconscious.” 

May be out of print, but easy to order online used or new… 
 
I often like a book, because it agrees with my worldview… 

This is true here, but it also gives some great practical advice on dreamwork. 

Not only on your own, but how to form a working group to work on dreams together… 

I love synchrony… 

In this book and in yesterday’s book on Griefwork, I had placed 12 bookmarks… 

Jeremy’s book feels quite a bit lighter… 

He does touch on many dark matters… 

Most inner work deals with the unconscious Shadow… 

Some highlights:  He touches on psychedelics p89, working with introverts and extroverts p152, organizing a group p156, lucid dreaming exercises p215, shamanism p220, even the edges of science p234, archetypes p238, and, finally, 10 basic methods for working on dreams on your own p263. 

The most important message I received is, as I’ve written before, there are many paths that one can take on the road to evolving your consciousness. 

Meditation, psychedelics, shamanic journeying, dreamwork, and a multitude of rituals such as those outlined in Francis Weller’s work. 

Choose a path, or 2, walk that path with intensity, grace, and humor, by yourself or with others… 

Examine when you might be done with one path… 

When you have used a boat to get to the next level, perhaps it is time to choose a new boat… 

So let me end here with a reminder:  

There is a strict order to The Three Commandments.  

          1-There is only one Source.

                    2-Love everything.

                              3-Enjoy yourself.

And avoid the mistakes:

Namaste 





Sunday, June 2, 2019

The Wild Edge of Sorrow

An interesting book by Francis Weller… 


Subtitled, Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief. 

I tend to be a voracious reader.  

I have piles of books and magazines.

I am usually reading at least 4 books, at various stages.
 
My generalized reading slowed down a bit during medical school, residency, and as an assistant professor bucking for tenure… 

I mostly read science books and science fiction in middle school and high school… 

After getting tenure, I encountered Ken Wilber’s writings, through my good friend Malynn, which lead me on a deeper search… 

I am interested in how the world and, particularly, how humans, work… 

Early psychedelic use and meditation lead me to explore the edges of science and spirituality… 

Training in medicine and alternative medicine, helped me to see what was known, and what was unknown… 

This book is not at the edge of science, nor spirituality… 

I heard about this book from another voracious reader, my good friend Willow… 

I am writing about this book because it struck 2 chords in me… 

The first chord is how different I am than Francis Weller… 

I suspect my friend Willow is much more like Francis. 

During my self-exploration, on my own and in psychotherapy, I came to realize I was a highly sensitive child, later taking up martial arts to be tougher. 

I am also an INTP, a “Rational.”  That gives me a degree of “tough mindedness.” 

Francis Weller writes about how he can be totally overwhelmed by horrible events that are happening in the world. 

He writes very well… 

It was compelling to me to resonate with how he suffers so deeply, and I can see how this has made him such a great therapist and teacher… 

And I see that I do not suffer as he does… 

Interesting! 

It is not that I have not realized before that I suffer less than others… 

I was just struck by the way he writes about the darkness he feels and, yet, how much I resonate with the rest of what he writes… 

That is the second chord… 

I know I like a book when I put in bookmarks and make remarks on the sides of pages… 

I have 12 bookmarks in this about 200-page book… 

A quick aside, I dislike the word “soul.”  He uses that word extensively.  I just don’t know what that means… 

On the other hand I love methods to help us to grow and understand our place and flow in the world. 

Here is where I do resonate, starting from the end:

Excellent outline of methods and rituals to deal with grief:  How to practice self-compassion through Metta.  Working though “complexes” using “The Worldview of the Child.”   Talking Circles (old stuff here), Stone Ritual, Speaking to the Earth. 

In his chapter 9 “Becoming Ancestors,” he speaks on how ethics is about good manners, kindness, affection.  

In chapter 8 he gets to the place I resonate with most:  Grief and darkness is the place to find the light… 

What comes up for me is that going “in and through” this fear of death, physical and ego-death, are central to healing our fear of living fully…

Those are my highlights… 

There is so much to read in the world…

A lot of junk, too… 

Not that I don’t like “brain candy” 

I like a great novel, and have read many… 

This blog is about how we can grow… 

Next up, Dream Work! 

Namaste











Saturday, March 16, 2019

Seeing Through…

Someone high up in the psychedelic research community made a side comment that my wife overheard, something along the lines that there is always a witness. 


This started a discussion. 

I disagree… 

Yay!  Another blog is born! 

First a side discussion, relevant to this… 

Meditation and psychedelics have much in common… 

And many differences… 

More similarities if we are using psychedelics to heal, or to evolve as humans. 

Less, if we are using psychedelics recreationally… 

Yet, we can learn from these medicines, in either case. 

The great teachers of meditation will tell you there is no goal. 

Yet, most of us who meditate, want to be something other than we were when we started… 

That is laudable… 

We all want to be happier, more content, have less suffering… 

That may or may not happen with practicing meditation, or exploring psychedelics… 

What we may learn, eventually, is that in the end you have to let go of being anything other than who you are… 

That is where the healing and human evolution begins… 

In meditation, we tend have more of a choice, usually we can stop at any time. 

Yet, there are stories of a severe crisis that can arise during the practice of meditation… 

Excessive mediation, in the unprepared, unguided, or those with personality disorders, can lead to very frightening experiences… 

Similar to a “bad trip.” 

With psychedelics, particularly at high doses, you have much less choice… 

Most often, you are going for the ride, whether you want to or not… 

On the other hand, those of us who have studied meditation and psychedelic therapies, may say that there are no “bad trips,” only experiences from which to learn… 

We can argue over the myriad forms of crisis… 

I will argue that ultimately, it comes down to the fear of death… 

We often speak about ego dissolution… 

When the ego is starting to fall apart, we feel as though we are dying… 

We are afraid of real body death… 

In general, nobody dies from meditation or psychedelics, very safe practices, in most cases. 

We will leave aside discussions of latent schizophrenia, personality disorders, and rare instances of occult heart disease… 

This feeling of dying is real… 

The ego is a very strong construct… 

It does not tolerate threats to its integrity… 

What has been arising for me in meditation, is that ego “dissolution,” may not be the best description for what happens… 

This discussion gets difficult, as experiences in meditation, and during psychedelic use, are ineffable… 

What is true for me, may not be true for you… 

I have written before that what we might learn is that the ego can be taken off… 

Similar to a comfortable overcoat, often useful to have on, but something you don’t always need to wear… 

That brings me back to the title of this blog. 

What came up for me in meditation is that the ego does not dissolve… 

A better description for me is that we can “see through” the ego… 

We observe how the mind constructs the ego, we observe how the ego is constantly shifting… 

This ego construct is not a solid or fixed reality… 

This observation may be a revelation… 

We are less likely to be drowning in our unconscious projections and perceived limitations… 

We are better able to observe how and where our thoughts and behaviors arise… 

We are more free… 

I believe this how meditation and psychedelic therapy work. 

This is how we become happier, more content, with less suffering… 

We are better able to feel connected to others… 

Better able to see the deep intrinsic beauty of existence… 

Often we see it is our own poor little ego selves, wanting things to be other than what they are… 

That is suffering… 

That is where we have opportunity to let go… 

But, who is doing the observing?  

That is the origin of the statement referring that there is always a witness… 

I spent time in meditation asking why that did not make sense to me… 

My personal experience has been that after the ego is seen through, then the next tin solder to fall is the witness… 

The witness also can be seen through… 

And the witness falls away...  

That is the non-place of empty-fullness, the total light and total dark, the non-place of ineffable peace… 
 
A paradox, where even any concept of paradox, disappears… 

What arises is that there was no-thing, really, present, ever… 

No concepts… 

Subject without an object… 

And even those words...  are too specific… 

Namaste






Sunday, December 30, 2018

Sitter or Guide?

Another interesting conversation with my wife… 


She is revising her “guide manual,” directed toward outlining the methods of guiding psychedelic sessions in the research setting. 

She wrote the first one in 2014, for our work with guiding volunteers in a safety and pharmacokinetics study of psilocybin. 

Now she is revising the manual in light of the newer publications and expanded knowledge that has unfolded in the past 4 years. 

The question came up, “Are we guides or sitters?”

Both terms have been used. 

I said ,“I think that from sitter to guide is a continuum… “

When we are sitting, we are doing less… 

We are more “being…” 

We are being present, paying attention to what might be going on in the room.

We are predominantly paying attention to the volunteer, but we are also monitoring what is going on within ourselves, with our co-guide/sitter, and with any other study personnel who may be around. 

The other end of this spectrum is when we are guiding… 

Then we are more active, more “doing…” 

The range of what we do starts early in our interactions with the volunteer.   

The first meeting sets the stage. 

Warmth, friendliness, openness… 

A listening presence...

Many qualities are important… 

We also want to be careful… 

We do not want to be overwhelmingly warm and friendly… 

We start to explore the question of who this this person coming into our study…

What might they need…

And they want to know if they can trust us…

It is a dance… 

We usually have 2-4, several hour, preparatory sessions. 

We instruct them on the details of what may, or may not, happen during sessions. 

We inform them about possible drug effects. 

We practice “safe touch…” 

We practice non-verbal signals, for when they might have difficulty verbalizing during a psychedelic session. 

We ask them many intimate questions, including “what don’t you want us to know about you…” 

We have them practice lying down with headphones, music, and eyeshades… 

Then during a session, we might start out with light conversation as the drug is taking effect. 

As the effects rise, we might suggest that the volunteer lay down with music and eyeshades…

We may be quiet and just being present for many hours…  This is my definition of pure sitting. 

During the session we may attend with water, going to the bathroom, encouraging them to go back to eyeshades and headphones… 

That is mostly sitting with a little guiding. 

Or, there may be a crisis, with screaming and yelling, active movements, groaning and crying… 

Sometimes tears of joy and sometimes of sadness… 

Sometimes speaking about what they are experiencing, or wanting us to take notes… 

Or, they may be resisting the medicine… 

Here we may be doing much more guiding… 

Hand holding, hugging, speaking…

We may have to remind them that they took a medicine… 

This horror or terror will pass… 

We may have to reassure them that their body is safe… 

These medicines are powerful… 

This method of giving psychedelics in this particular set and setting is even more powerful… 

We often need to remind ourselves to do less, be less of a guide… 

Be more of a sitter, being present with whatever arises… 

Wisdom arises independent of our drives to do something… 

Independently of whatever skills we may have in our treasure chest of psychological methods… 

We tend to be a doing society, we have more problems with just being…

Our loving presence is important… 

We also may have to remind ourselves to get out of the way… 

The disclaimer is we are not encouraging illegal activity. 

However, let us all work toward legalization of these sacred medicines… 

These sacred methods of unfolding together in these sets and settings… 

It is not only the volunteer who benefits… 

The sitters/guides, and our whole society, rise up these evolutionary scales… 

Let us all travel there together!

Namaste





Sunday, November 18, 2018

Foam Rollers for the Psyche

I love a good metaphor!


Yesterday, Saturday, I had 2 interesting conversations about meditation and psychedelics. 

Strange coincidence, if you believe there are any strange coincidences… 

The first, in the morning, an unexpected call from a friend, older than I, who has been exploring these realms for several years… 

The second conversation was in the evening, planned with my wife, with a young couple who my wife and I had mentored through the CIIS program, and now, have become more friends than mentees… 

They, also, have been exploring these realms for several years. 

In both conversations came up the theme of “resistance.”

Resistance came up as 2 types.

Those of us who seek to rise higher on the evolution of mind, must head the call, otherwise, the call will get louder and louder… 

Resisting the call may manifest as feelings of unhappiness, recurrent dreams, or if not heeded, obscure, or not so obscure, illnesses… 

Loving Star Wars, I resonate with the line “Resistance is futile…”

When the Universe comes knocking, you had better answer… 

There are many boats you can take for personal evolution:

Common boats for further explorations of your personal evolution are meditation and psychedelics. 

This is where we find the second form of resistance, often arising within episodes of meditation practice or within a psychedelic journey… 

Great pain can arise… 


As the ego dissolves…  kicking and screaming…  resisting... 
It can feel as though you are being torn apart…  physically…  as well as emotionally… 

In classic Buddhist teaching, koan practice can lead to a place where you can feel like you are trying to swallow a ball of searing hot iron… 
In the words of Alan Watts, at about 18:30 minutes:

We have either heard of, or personally experienced, episodes of being mired in a filthy stinking swamp, a pit of sh-t, or finding yourself in a dark cave with monsters in every corner, or having your face pressed against a rotating burning hot steel, perhaps being torn apart by birds, or eaten alive by spiders… 

You have to be with the pain, perhaps increase the feeling of pain or nausea, enter your own painful place in your body, embrace the filth of the pit, shine a flashlight into the dark corners, and as Bill Richards taught us, find the monster and enter them through their eyes, then look out through the eyes of the monster, human or otherwise… 

That is what we help do as guides…  Point people toward the pain… 

Be present with them in the pain… 

What you resist will persist… 

So, foam rollers? 

Where did that come from?

I tend to get tight muscles, legs mostly, as do many who indulge in athletic activities… 

I also have an associated recurrent area of right-sided sacroiliac area pain, a site of several long-ago injuries… 

So, this morning I was using a foam roller for my legs and a lacrosse ball for my sacroiliac area

This is a painful experience.   It can bring tears to your eyes…  and groans… 

So why do it? 

Because it is a short painful experience, with great long term benefits… 

Along with my daily exercise routine, rolling helps to avoid long term, all day, leg or back pain… 

During this morning’s painful experience, arose this metaphor… 

Meditation and psychedelic experiences are like a foam roller for your psyche… 
 
Can be terribly painful… 

But, good for you…  long-term…  

From where does this psychic pain arise?

I believe the pain comes from the unconscious… 

The unconscious rising up, needing to be made conscious… 

This is how we evolve… 

This is how we clean out the karma… 

As my wife texted to me (she is in California):  “If we can’t/don’t see it/feel it, the depth or intensity, the fullness of our entirety, we don’t have the choice of letting it go to see what will fill its place!” 

Sometimes we have to empty our cup, to have it filled again… 

I’ve written previously about the varieties of unconscious information:

A little amended:
1-Personal unconscious information.  This can include prenatal, perinatal, peer, parent, other authorities, and surgical unconscious information.  Often thought of as traumatic and negative.  But, can be positive unconscious information as well.  

2-Instinctual or Archetypal unconscious information.  Jung wrote of the Archetypes as the “instincts” of humans, I agree with this possibility.  This is information from our genetics, from having a human brain-body structure.  

3-Collective Past and Future unconscious information.   I feel it is important to parse this out from Archetypes.  I don’t have a traditional belief in reincarnation.  However, I believe the Universe is more porous to time, place, and person, than traditional science contends (Heretic!).  

I have personally experienced, as have trusted others I know well, connections to past and future information.  This may include information from other species, maybe even from sentient beings of other worlds or dimensions. 

Remember, this is all non-local information, instantly available… 
(even bigger Heretic!)… 

These practices are all about letting go… 

Letting go of habits and drives that no longer serve us. 

Letting go of shoulds… 

Stop shoulding ourselves… 

(And what is that “L” doing in there anyway?)

These habits, thoughts, and actions may have been protective for us in the past. 

We may have shoved these into a long black bag, which we drag behind us… 

As Robert Bly writes in Iron John, we must take out this unconscious information from that long black bag and incorporate this information into our everyday existence… 

When we partially or fully dissolve the ego, we have a chance to let go of “that which no longer serves…”     

When the ego pops back together, this ego overcoat may be bit lighter… 

A bit easier to wear… 

And, perhaps, easier to take off, when it is safe to do so… 

And then, when wearing the ego overcoat, it may be a bit easier to walk in the world… 

Helping others, with more compassion… 

Perhaps, more deeply feeling that everyone is doing the best they can… 

And, a reminder…   not everyone needs to meditate… 

Perhaps, even fewer need to use the boat of psychedelics… 

There are dangers… 

Hic sunt dracones… 

Here be Dragons… 

If you feel the drive to evolve, find a trusted guide or teacher! 
 
It is natural to fear the dark, and fear the pain… 

But, the only way forward, is going in and through… 

Getting to the other side… 

Getting to the next shore in your current raft or boat… 

That can be Blissful… 

But do not chase the Bliss

That doesn’t work any better than resisting the pain… 

Lots to ponder… 

Namaste






Saturday, November 3, 2018

We are too Advanced to have Simple Slogans!

Yes, that is my new slogan… 


Reading recently in ”The Week,” how the Democrats do not have a compelling message… 

Compared to the Republicans… 

Who seem to be totally behind the simple, and mostly false, slogans of Drumpf… 

Democrats do not have convincing slogans… 

My contention is… 

You cannot have convincing slogans, when the issues are so complicated…   

There is nothing simple about immigration, racism, our economy, international wars, atrocities, trade… 

We seem to be a country divided in half… 

Actually according to an October 2018 Gallup poll:  

Republicans 28%, Democrats 30%, and Independents 39%.   

This is not much change since 2004…  

And… 

Republicans + Republican leaners 40% and Democrats + Democratic leaners 48%
(2004, 48% and 46%, respectively…)

Yes, Drumpf lost the popular vote, yet is president… 

Blame it on the Electoral College… 

If you want to get into the argument of whether these United States are a Republic or a Democracy, read here:

As I have said before “every one is doing the best they can…” 

So my slogan:  “We are too Advanced to have Simple Slogans!” 

Is a paradox… 

Truth is best held within paradox… 

So, yes, I believe everyone is doing the best they can… 

That does not mean we cannot change… 

That does not mean we cannot change the world… 

Right here, right now, really what I am trying to do is ---    
 
I am trying to influence each and every one of you to get out there and VOTE!!!!! 

Vote for peace, hope, compassion… 

That is me trying to influence you… 

Without idiot compassion… 

About 60% of the US population votes in presidential elections, 40% in mid-year elections… 

Way below most European counties… 

Step up to the plate people!

Vote! Vote! Vote!

But, only once… 

Namaste