Summoned for Jury Duty

Yes, this is going to be a rant! 

I was only summoned once previously. 

I was medical student, with a PhD degree. 

It was a malpractice case. 

When asked, I said I absolutely do not believe in malpractice awards. 

I was dismissed… 

Yes!

My statement is truthful. 

I did not get to explain my reasoning… 

I believe that an individual that is injured needs to be made as whole as possible…

I believe that inadequate physicians, or other health care providers, need to get the education they are missing, be removed from practice, there can be economic consequences… 

However, these are 2 separate situations, they should not be connected…  Heretic! 

When I was in academia, on faculty for 25 years, our practice was able to get us out of any summons for jury duty. 

In my new job, in my new State, I am no longer so protected… 

So, I will show up… 

 

And I will bring every bit of my Heretical nature with me!

As soon as I received that letter of Jury Summons, I started making notes for this blog.

We have a deeply flawed legal system…

The system is biased against the poor, and is built to make money… 

However, gotta love synchrony… 

As I am making notes for this blog, I receive the latest issue of Explore…

In this issue, Steven Schwartz writes an eye opening article about our prison system, with the title, “The Gulag:  America’s Moral Cancer.”  You can read it here:  https://www.researchgate.net/publication/334549335_The_Gulag_America%27s_Moral_Cancer

Some highlights:

1-The USA has 4.4% of the world’s population, and 22% of the incarcerated. 

2-There is an overwhelming racial bias.

3-Prisoners are “Little spigots out of which flow a stream of tax dollars.” 

4-They become indentured workers making $0.23-1.15/hour, and this wage rate is falling. 

5-Companies using this slavery include, Whole Foods, McDonald’s, Wal-Mart, Victoria’s Secret, Aramark, AT&T, BP. 

6-So, we, as taxpayers, are paying for this incarceration, while corporations are making money off of almost free labor. 

7-Solitary confinement is overused, many of those incarcerated were mentally ill to begin with, and now made further ill by this form of torture.  

On a more personal note, I recently had a patient in my clinic with previously well-controlled rheumatoid arthritis. 

They had some minor distant past charge, which was likely ignored, possibly due to a language problem. 

Was arrested and put in jail, where they refused to give the prescribed medications. 

Had a huge flare with swollen joints and tremendous pain. 

 

The authorities got scared, and they were finally released. 

Was in horrible condition by the time they were seen by me. 

I hope the high dose steroids and return of their medications will be enough.

If there is joint damage, that will not resolve. 

Then there are prison sentences for drug use, or prostitution… 

How incredibly stupid! 

In the former case, most are self-medicating, in the latter case they are trying to make a living, the best way they can… 

I believe that individuals that harm others need to be helped, if possible… 

If they cannot be helped, then society needs to be kept safe from them. 

I believe individuals who harm themselves need help…  not prison… 

Many have been abused, both the victims, and their perpetrators… 

As has been said before, “If you are not outraged, you are not paying attention.” 

You may argue that I should serve, as good citizen. 

Just as I vote in every election. 

I will show up, but, I cannot lie, I will retort to any questions, with both barrels… 

I doubt they will seat me… 

We shall see… 

Namaste

Fear and Death, Awe and Beauty

This contemplation arose within several meditations… 

It started out with,

“Who do think you are… when you awake…  and look into the mirror…”

What do you see… 

Do you see the surface small “s” self…  

Can you look beyond the surface… 

 

Can you look beyond the stuff you don’t like… 

Can you look beyond the stuff you do like… 

Can your look beyond the stuff that you think you are… 

What are your thoughts… 

too fat, too thin, too flawed, too critical, too accepting and giving… 

Or maybe you go too far the other way… 

Perhaps into narcissism, seeing your outer self as soooo perfect, beautiful, and smart, witty, you love how much power you have over others, and how much money you are making… 

Or, perhaps you look, and are confused… 

You do not know who you are… 

And this is disturbing to you… 

Perhaps your thoughts are cyclic and ruminating... 

Stuck in a rut… 

Like a broken record…  (who still listens to vinyl?)

Looking is important… 

Seeing clearly is difficult… 

Too critical, too narcissistic, too ignorant… 

These are the 3 basic emotions… 

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2013/03/the-three-emotions.html

Pushing away, desiring, ignorance… 

How may we see more clearly… 

Practice can help… 

You can try “The Work”

https://thework.com

Meditation, psychotherapy, many paths… 

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2013/04/enlightenment-part-5-final-secret.html

These can reveal…

            our hopes and dreams, and our projections and fears… 

            and the unconscious forces from which these arise… 

When you look in the mirror next time… 

Can you repeat over and over…    Stop, Stop, Stop… 

Then… 

Can you let silence arise… 

You don’t have to use a mirror… 

The mirror can be in your mind… 

Turn your gaze inward… 

Turn your entire being inward… 

Can you see Unlimited Potential… 

Can you see the entire Cosmos, shining within… 

The surface is the meat, the animal self, walking around… 

The mind of this meat is usually in survival mode… 

Preventing its own death… 

Preventing its suffering… 

This is such a small part of being… 

There is so much more to Being…  

Seeing past the small “s” self… 

Bathing in the big “S” …   Self… 

This Self, This Spirit, Animates you…

You are stardust organized by the Cosmos into a living breathing creation… 

You are here to admire all of creation…  including your self and… 

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2015/12/what-is-consciousness.html

Your Self… 

Empty your cup of your fears, your criticisms, your narcissisms… 

Be aware of the Beauty of the Cosmos…  filling your being… 

There is no fat or thin, no ruminations, no desires, no fears… 

If death comes… 

That is OK… 

Death is only for the body.

What would life be, if there was just Awe… 

Awe of the Beauty of All-That-Is

And All-That-Is-Not… 

Flow with this energy… 

Allow this energy to fill your now empty cup… 

Allow this energy to direct your actions

Right Action, simply arises within this State of Being… 

Yes, there are limitations of being this meat… 

These limitations can also he held as another part of beauty…

  

Contemplating death, can allow feeling the preciousness of life…

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2015/10/psychedelics-meditation-and-death.html

Fear of Death

Awe of Beauty

These are not opposites

They are different levels of thought… 

Fear of Death is confining,

Awe of Beauty is freeing… 

Be free… 

Dreamwork

I write notes on my phone to remind me of possible blog topics. 

I have slowed down my blogging, I think, because I feel very busy at work. 

So, when I’m not working, I spend time with my loving wife, I read, and I try to get exercise… 

Additionally, I think there are so many good books, articles, and blogs out there… 

I don’t want to add to the “noise.” 

So, I write when I feel moved to write… 

One note I wrote was the following:

“Even though you might get lost for awhile, I would rather see you, whether young or old, still out searching for the Truth.” 

Of course, my own projection… 

I am always out searching for the Truth.  

Could be in the realms of conventional science, medicine, or the far edges of what is, or might be, true and real… 

Of course, some say “Everything is Real.” 

Jeremy Taylor wrote a wonderful book “Where People Fly and Water Runs Uphill:  Using Dreams to Tap the Wisdom of the Unconscious.” 

May be out of print, but easy to order online used or new… 

 

I often like a book, because it agrees with my worldview… 

This is true here, but it also gives some great practical advice on dreamwork. 

Not only on your own, but how to form a working group to work on dreams together… 

I love synchrony… 

In this book and in yesterday’s book on Griefwork, I had placed 12 bookmarks… 

Jeremy’s book feels quite a bit lighter… 

He does touch on many dark matters… 

Most inner work deals with the unconscious Shadow… 

Some highlights:  He touches on psychedelics p89, working with introverts and extroverts p152, organizing a group p156, lucid dreaming exercises p215, shamanism p220, even the edges of science p234, archetypes p238, and, finally, 10 basic methods for working on dreams on your own p263. 

The most important message I received is, as I’ve written before, there are many paths that one can take on the road to evolving your consciousness. 

Meditation, psychedelics, shamanic journeying, dreamwork, and a multitude of rituals such as those outlined in Francis Weller’s work. 

Choose a path, or 2, walk that path with intensity, grace, and humor, by yourself or with others… 

Examine when you might be done with one path… 

When you have used a boat to get to the next level, perhaps it is time to choose a new boat… 

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2013/03/carrying-ocean-around-carrying-source.html

So let me end here with a reminder:  

There is a strict order to The Three Commandments.  

          1-There is only one Source.

                    2-Love everything.

                              3-Enjoy yourself.

And avoid the mistakes:

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-second-commandment-love-everything.html

Namaste 

The Wild Edge of Sorrow

An interesting book by Francis Weller… 

Subtitled, Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief. 

I tend to be a voracious reader.  

I have piles of books and magazines.

I am usually reading at least 4 books, at various stages.

 

My generalized reading slowed down a bit during medical school, residency, and as an assistant professor bucking for tenure… 

I mostly read science books and science fiction in middle school and high school… 

After getting tenure, I encountered Ken Wilber’s writings, through my good friend Malynn, which lead me on a deeper search… 

I am interested in how the world and, particularly, how humans, work… 

Early psychedelic use and meditation lead me to explore the edges of science and spirituality… 

Training in medicine and alternative medicine, helped me to see what was known, and what was unknown… 

This book is not at the edge of science, nor spirituality… 

I heard about this book from another voracious reader, my good friend Willow… 

I am writing about this book because it struck 2 chords in me… 

The first chord is how different I am than Francis Weller… 

I suspect my friend Willow is much more like Francis. 

During my self-exploration, on my own and in psychotherapy, I came to realize I was a highly sensitive child, later taking up martial arts to be tougher. 

I am also an INTP, a “Rational.”  That gives me a degree of “tough mindedness.” 

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2013/02/just-stranger-in-strange-land-part-3.html

Francis Weller writes about how he can be totally overwhelmed by horrible events that are happening in the world. 

He writes very well… 

It was compelling to me to resonate with how he suffers so deeply, and I can see how this has made him such a great therapist and teacher… 

And I see that I do not suffer as he does… 

Interesting! 

It is not that I have not realized before that I suffer less than others… 

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2013/03/just-bags-of-saltwater-carrying-ocean.html

I was just struck by the way he writes about the darkness he feels and, yet, how much I resonate with the rest of what he writes… 

That is the second chord… 

I know I like a book when I put in bookmarks and make remarks on the sides of pages… 

I have 12 bookmarks in this about 200-page book… 

A quick aside, I dislike the word “soul.”  He uses that word extensively.  I just don’t know what that means… 

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2017/12/soul.html

On the other hand I love methods to help us to grow and understand our place and flow in the world. 

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2013/04/enlightenment-part-5-final-secret.html

Here is where I do resonate, starting from the end:

Excellent outline of methods and rituals to deal with grief:  How to practice self-compassion through Metta.  Working though “complexes” using “The Worldview of the Child.”   Talking Circles (old stuff here), Stone Ritual, Speaking to the Earth. 

In his chapter 9 “Becoming Ancestors,” he speaks on how ethics is about good manners, kindness, affection.  

In chapter 8 he gets to the place I resonate with most:  Grief and darkness is the place to find the light… 

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2013/02/when-im-lost_22.html

What comes up for me is that going “in and through” this fear of death, physical and ego-death, are central to healing our fear of living fully…

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2015/10/psychedelics-meditation-and-death.html

Those are my highlights… 

There is so much to read in the world…

A lot of junk, too… 

Not that I don’t like “brain candy” 

I like a great novel, and have read many… 

This blog is about how we can grow… 

Next up, Dream Work! 

Namaste

Seeing Through…

Someone high up in the psychedelic research community made a side comment that my wife overheard, something along the lines that there is always a witness. 

This started a discussion. 

I disagree… 

Yay!  Another blog is born! 

First a side discussion, relevant to this… 

Meditation and psychedelics have much in common… 

And many differences… 

More similarities if we are using psychedelics to heal, or to evolve as humans. 

Less, if we are using psychedelics recreationally… 

Yet, we can learn from these medicines, in either case. 

The great teachers of meditation will tell you there is no goal. 

Yet, most of us who meditate, want to be something other than we were when we started… 

That is laudable… 

We all want to be happier, more content, have less suffering… 

That may or may not happen with practicing meditation, or exploring psychedelics… 

What we may learn, eventually, is that in the end you have to let go of being anything other than who you are… 

That is where the healing and human evolution begins… 

In meditation, we tend have more of a choice, usually we can stop at any time. 

Yet, there are stories of a severe crisis that can arise during the practice of meditation… 

Excessive mediation, in the unprepared, unguided, or those with personality disorders, can lead to very frightening experiences… 

Similar to a “bad trip.” 

With psychedelics, particularly at high doses, you have much less choice… 

Most often, you are going for the ride, whether you want to or not… 

On the other hand, those of us who have studied meditation and psychedelic therapies, may say that there are no “bad trips,” only experiences from which to learn… 

We can argue over the myriad forms of crisis… 

I will argue that ultimately, it comes down to the fear of death… 

We often speak about ego dissolution… 

When the ego is starting to fall apart, we feel as though we are dying… 

We are afraid of real body death… 

In general, nobody dies from meditation or psychedelics, very safe practices, in most cases. 

We will leave aside discussions of latent schizophrenia, personality disorders, and rare instances of occult heart disease… 

This feeling of dying is real… 

The ego is a very strong construct… 

It does not tolerate threats to its integrity… 

What has been arising for me in meditation, is that ego “dissolution,” may not be the best description for what happens… 

This discussion gets difficult, as experiences in meditation, and during psychedelic use, are ineffable… 

What is true for me, may not be true for you… 

I have written before that what we might learn is that the ego can be taken off… 

Similar to a comfortable overcoat, often useful to have on, but something you don’t always need to wear… 

That brings me back to the title of this blog. 

What came up for me in meditation is that the ego does not dissolve… 

A better description for me is that we can “see through” the ego… 

We observe how the mind constructs the ego, we observe how the ego is constantly shifting… 

This ego construct is not a solid or fixed reality… 

This observation may be a revelation… 

We are less likely to be drowning in our unconscious projections and perceived limitations… 

We are better able to observe how and where our thoughts and behaviors arise… 

We are more free… 

I believe this how meditation and psychedelic therapy work. 

This is how we become happier, more content, with less suffering… 

We are better able to feel connected to others… 

Better able to see the deep intrinsic beauty of existence… 

Often we see it is our own poor little ego selves, wanting things to be other than what they are… 

That is suffering… 

That is where we have opportunity to let go… 

But, who is doing the observing?  

That is the origin of the statement referring that there is always a witness… 

I spent time in meditation asking why that did not make sense to me… 

My personal experience has been that after the ego is seen through, then the next tin solder to fall is the witness… 

The witness also can be seen through… 

And the witness falls away...  

That is the non-place of empty-fullness, the total light and total dark, the non-place of ineffable peace… 

 

A paradox, where even any concept of paradox, disappears… 

What arises is that there was no-thing, really, present, ever… 

No concepts… 

Subject without an object… 

And even those words...  are too specific… 

Namaste