Meditation: Finding Exactly Who and What I AM.

Difficulty going to sleep.   Fitfully waking.

My wife and I are moving from the Midwest to the West. 

I am retiring from academic medicine after 25 years. 

I’ll join a private practice for about 5 years, or so... 

Make some money.  Pay off the house.  Retire again. 

Then, probably do some sort of practice helping people evolve… 

Maybe an entheogen coaching practice!  

The process of cleaning out 11 years of stuff is daunting. 

And tiring. 

My back hurts! 

And the endless forms for a medical license in a new state. 

Getting new hospital privileges. 

Blah, Blah, Blah… 

Worthwhile. 

My parents have passed on. 

Time to be closer to my wife’s aging parents.  

And the grandkids! 

Get our move paid for…  

Bought a smaller ranch-style house.  

With less yard. 

Blah, Blah, Blah… 

When I wake, I go and sit on my cushion. 

Why? 

Because

I forget who I am. 

What I am. 

And who and what I am not. 

What a long strange trip it’s been… 

And it doesn’t seem to be even near to being over… 

I am graced with much… 

A lovely partner interested in personal evolution. 

And the evolution of others… 

Practicing radical acceptance together… 

Enough income to enjoy life… 

Right livelihood… 

Blah, Blah, Blah… 

I forget who and what I am… 

So I go and sit on my cushion…  

And ask these questions… 

Fingers pointing at the moon… 

Over and over and over again… 

This body mind

Forgets… 

Sitting…  

 

Letting all these wants and desires… 

All these rejections of pain…  

All of this confusion…  

Fall

Away

Until

There is

Nothing

Left…  

I AM THAT

OM TAT SAT

Namaste

What Lies Beneath

Most people are not interested in what goes on underneath the surface of the everyday mind.

Only when they can no longer function in their world do they perhaps start to pay attention.

Often there is a severe internal or external crisis that alerts them. 

A few of us are simply fascinated by what might be going on underneath. 

Arising from a deep natural interest in everything that is going on externally and internally. 

Not that we don’t have out little traumas. 

Feelings of disappointment may arise.  

Maybe even anger, resentment, desire, confusion. 

But, these feelings pale to those who have experienced significant trauma.

Or, for those who never learned the needed coping skills for successful every day living either due to genetics, environment, or both. 

My wife was at an MDMA-guide training this past week and they discussed Internal Family Systems Therapy. 

https://www.selfleadership.org/outline-of-the-Internal-family-systems-model.html

An interesting model for understanding trauma and possible protective mechanisms that may arise:  Exiles, Managers, and Firefighters… 

What we resist persists.  

What we feed persists.

Strong unconscious information needs us to pay attention. 

Otherwise it may tantrum. 

Sometimes it may show itself as cyclical thoughts, ruminations, about the past or future, which serves no purpose. 

Remembering the past helps us to make better choices right in the present now. 

Considering the future helps us to properly plan for events.

Yet, spending the majority of our time being present in the present, moment by moment, allows for clear seeing.

Intuition arises.

Compassion arises. 

Compassion for others and ourselves… 

There are many ways to access unconscious information. 

Internal family systems therapy is only one method. 

Meditation.  Shamanic journeying.  Dream work.  Free-association analysis.

Entheogen-work.  EFT.  EMDR.  Hellinger family constellation method.  Etc.

These are all directed toward dropping ownership of conscious and unconscious material that keeps you over-identified with small self. 

 

You are then able to view these thoughts of the past and future with some distance. 

Clear seeing is the big “S” Self shining through… 

Dropping, Dropping, Dropping… 

The quieting of the Monkey Mind… 

Over and over an over again…

Do not think of enlightenment as a goal. 

This is a lifelong process… 

The gift… 

Is life…

Itself… 

Namaste