Dreams

I don’t often remember my dreams.   But I keep a journal with pen and flashlight near my bed.  I’ll jump up, trying to remember the dream before it fades away, I write down 3-4 things I can still remember.  Sometimes I can write out almost the whole dream.

To set the stage, I’ll do some more self-revealing.  I got divorced about 10 years ago, an important move for me.  Also, subsequently found a life partner for this second round of life.  Someone who understands being a seeker, and with whom I can practice radical acceptance, but that latter topic is for another day.

Pre-divorce and post-divorce I was in a lot of turmoil.  I ended up seeing 2 psychotherapists.  The first one was actually a person I knew socially, as part of a group of seekers who met every other Sunday to discuss “all that is.”  Deep, heartfelt, discussions of paths and our own journeys.  He is Jungian and a wonderful listener, with a keen ear for bullshit.  We agreed that my seeing him clinically, outside of our group, would not be a conflict.  As a Jungian, dreams are central to therapy. 

I was also separated from my then wife and she insisted I get “a second opinion.”  I must be crazy if I wanted a divorce!  So, I met with a psychiatrist at the university.  He was also such an interesting individual, and an excellent complement to my Jungian analyst, that I ended up seeing them both for about 2 years.  He also did not tolerate any bullshit, and dreams were also central to his style of therapy. 

Now this was fun.  I could bring the same dream to 2 brilliant scientists of the mind, and see what I could learn.  Very cool! 

I woke this morning with an epic dream.  The dream had many scenes.  I can’t remember all the details, but I ran upstairs to this computer and wrote the following:  Jon Kabat-Zinn, P3 facility, Energetic, Lost my shoes and have to go back to the P3 facility. 

 

It is probably better to analyze dreams with another experienced individual.  However, you can do it yourself.  There are many ways to do so.  I use what I learned from these two wonderful experts. 

Yes folks, you can try this at home. 

But, try to have your own bullshit detector up and running. 

I first assume that all characters are aspects of myself.  I’ve met JKZ on several occasions.  He wrote the book, literally, on mindfulness–based stress reduction.  Besides being a brilliant thinker and scientist, he is one of the loveliest energetic and gentle human beings I know.  Just being in his presence fills me with joy.  John is very generous, he will tell you all that joy comes from inside of yourself.  He is correct, it does all come from inside yourself.  However, through limbic resonance we resonate with the inner emotional states of individuals around us.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_General_Theory_of_Love

If you are in the presence of someone who is depressed, you can feel some level of depression.  If you are talking with someone filled with agitation you feel agitated.  Being in the presence of someone like the Dali Lama fills you with joy. 

Being with our Sunday group does that for me.  Talking with my wife does this as well, especially when we get into talking about “all that is.”   

The other place I get that feeling is when reading the works of wonderful spiritual writers such as Thomas Cleary, Ken Wilber, and a few others. 

Of course, deep meditation is the place of practice, creating that groove in the brain of calm peacefulness.  Important to develop that groove so you can slip into it when you need it.  Important, so you can keep a toe dipped in it at most times. 

So dreaming about JKZ means touching that part of me that is filled with joy and calm peacefulness.  What about this P3 facility?  A biohazard level 3 laboratory (pathogen 3 = P3, or Biosafety Level 3 = BL3) is used for work with dangerous microbes or toxins.  Usually there is a laminar flow biosafety cabinet, biohazard suit, masks, goggles, gloves, a negative pressure airflow to the whole room that empties out through high efficiency particle filters, and you shower afterward. 

I worked in one all during graduate school and I ran one for a short time when I was first running my own lab.  I like the far edges of things, maybe a little danger in my science makes doing science more fun. 

Dreaming about the P3 facility must be connected with my former work in the lab.  I have some deep guilt about closing my lab.  I was trained by some amazing scientists, so I feel somewhat that I let them down when I closed my lab. 

Now, losing my shoes and having to go back, what is that all about?  And what about JKZ being so energetic?  I remember a few more scenes.  Jon and I were talking and walking and we came up to a group of people listening to music and dancing.  Jon took off and danced like a wild man.  I was more on the sidelines watching.  After that he left and I noticed I didn’t have my shoes. 

Hmmm, not having my shoes?  It is a little like the dreams where you find yourself in your underwear or naked in public.  So, I am feeling somewhat vulnerable, but not so exposed that I am naked.  But, I am more vulnerable without my shoes.  I have to go back to the P3 facility to get them.  Perhaps I need to get back to the lab?  Or maybe I need to start something new?  Perhaps the combination of JKZ, my symbol for that inner calm place within me, and the P3 facility, representing my work at the edges of science, means that I am contemplating my next steps in my career.  My career seems to change every 5-7 years.  This blog is part of that change. 

I’ve been contemplating using my skills more psychotherapeutically, for those who want to explore their spiritual growth. 

JKZ being so energetic, what part of me is that?  Well, I have a lot of energy around this blog.  I am enjoying the writing.  I hope it may be of some help to others on the path to self-discovery. 

Sitting here right now, it comes up for me that I am exposing myself in this blog.  I am keeping some facts about my identity hidden.  I have some very dear friends and colleagues who have some level of knowledge about the stranger parts of this thing I call “self.”  But, most people around me at the university have no idea how much of a heretic I am.  I am tenured, so I am very difficult to fire.  But, I do have some fears.  I think this dream is reflective of those fears.  Perhaps, this dream represents the fears of exposing my inner thoughts, as well as my fears about where I am going next in my career. 

Where are my therapists when I need them? 

Well, I haven’t been in therapy for about 5 years.  But group is today!  Maybe I’ll bring up this dream.  Our group loves dreams, we turn them over and see how they resonate within each of us.  Great learning about yourself can emerge from contemplating the meaning of someone else’s dream, as well as your own. 

But, really is there “a someone else?”  Maybe at some lower level we are separate beings.  But, at the highest level of truth we are more like 2 puppets on the hands of one being.  We just pretend to be “separate selves.”  There really is only one Self, with a capital S.  That truth resonates within the deepest darkest place filled with the brightest light. 

Thanks for coming along.