The blood vessels in her brain are slowly closing down,
cutting of the blood supply to her brain cells.
Her brain is becoming simpler every day.
She intermittently had small strokes. We once saw a minor weakness of a leg, which
eventually recovered.
On several occasions she lost the ability to read, and then
would recover her ability.
But, she was never the same.
Never again consuming books from weekly trips to the
library.
Until even 15 years ago, she was a ”killer” scrabble
player. Unhappy if she didn’t make at
least one 7-letter, 50-point extra, score each game. Few could beat her at scrabble, and she had
some very smart, well read, friends.
She had difficulty sequencing. She could no longer follow a recipe.
She once tried to make chocolate chip cookies, but put in
beans instead.
Never very good with mechanical things, she lost the ability
to turn on a DVD player, the TV, or even the microwave.
She was barred from using the stove, as she forgot how to
turn the knob to “off.”
She first lost the ability to read a digital clock, then a
few months later she could no long read an analog clock.
Like a child gains skills, my mother lost the skills she learned,
in a similar reverse order.
She had great word finding difficulties. Most recently she started lapsing back to her
native Polish. Loosing her English
language skills learned 60 plus years ago.
My mom is 92, and heading for a nursing home. She can
no longer dress, feed, or bathe herself.
We will move her 1,000 miles to live near us.
We will have the privilege of helping her leave this
world.
We speak about the dark night of the soul…
When we grow from one level to the next higher level of
conscious evolution, we may experience a depression of sorts, as we transcend
our old self.
The old self feels like it is dying.
I noticed a similar pattern in my mother’s devolution.
She would first be upset and confused, then she would accept
her new, lower, way of being.
A dark night of the
soul of devolution.
The calm after the storm.
I believe that consciousness is All-That-Is, and
All-That-Is-Not.
Our brain-bodies are like TV sets and DVD recorders (video
recorders, for you old folks).
Some of us get better reception than others…
Dementia causes a disruption in reception of consciousness,
and a disruption in retrieval of the recorded information of our past.
It is more fun to watch a child grow and learn.
Even the dark nights of the soul for 2 year-olds and
teenagers, are more tolerable, when we know they will end, and that person will
be more evolved… eventually.
Can we be OK with watching the reverse?
De-evolution.
We all want to die at the top of our game.
Perhaps in our sleep.
Maybe during a really good orgasm!
That will not be the natural way for most of us.
California just passed a right-to-die law.
If we lived in a right to die state, my mother 2 years ago
would have taken the pills to die.
She is beyond that now, she cannot take her own pills
anymore.
Let us all fight for this right.
I have no need to slowly devolve.
Maybe I can use my meditative practice.
When it is time.
To sit for the 2 weeks it takes to die.
Sitting in the bliss of All-That-Is, and
All-That-Is-Not.
But, I want that choice.
If in pain, I want to sleep in the arms of Morpheus.
That is, give me morphine, lots of it, please.
Any other method to end my life would be welcome, if I am no
longer able to sit myself into oblivion.
Luckily our world continues to evolve.
The fundamentalists will evolve to higher levels, as one by
one the current fundamentalists die off.
We will get higher-level fundamentalists!
Hey, many of them now support gay rights.
More States are approving laws that support our individual freedoms
to take care of ourselves.
As long as we do not harm others.
Gay rights protections, from our Supreme Court no less!
Medical and recreational marijuana laws are spreading.
Right-to-die laws are being enacted.
Our world is evolving.
Sometimes, it doesn’t seem to be so evolved...
I take the thousand-year view.
We are getting there.
For some of us, slower than we might like.
For others, too fast…
We can only do our best to help this evolution in
consciousness.
Go get on that cushion!
And
Get out and vote!
Namaste…
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