The alternative title to this blog is, “Every annoying person
is your teacher.”
I know this is hard to fathom, but this is true.
Teachers come in many forms.
Some teach us by being examples of continuous right action, they we may
label as “Enlightened.”
Other teachers can come in many other forms.
Some teachers are examples of the far ends of several
spectrums. They might be physically
beautiful, but not very emotionally beautiful.
They might be physically not very attractive, but emotionally wonderful
saintly individuals.
Some might write and speak at the far end of the
conservative political spectrum, some at the far left.
The most wonderful teachers may speak and write in such a
manner that they help us understand previously difficult concepts.
Some are loud, some may say very little.
I love the words from Jennifer Welwood’s poem, Unconditional;
Each condition I flee from pursues me,
Each condition I welcome transforms me
Just because an annoying person can be our teacher, does not
mean we need to spend time with them.
But we should think carefully about what we can learn from them. Perhaps, we are not even seeing
correctly. Maybe we are the ones at
fault. Perhaps, they represent a deep
shadow that exists in us. A shadow we
are rejecting and projecting upon this person.
Before blaming your annoyance on the other, make sure you
are holding your emotional distaste correctly.
Explore your own emotional reactivity.
Perhaps practice Metta or Tonglen for this person. This can be transforming.
Particularly within romantic relationships, make sure you
have learned all you need to learn before leaving. If you didn’t learn your lesson this time,
then the next relationship may well give you the same lesson.
The next time you
feel annoyed by someone, look carefully at yourself.
“Take your own temperature.”
Practice radical acceptance.
See the humor within your annoyance.
Then choose whether to continue this lesson with this
person, or not.
Pain comes with living. However, there is no need for
suffering.
See the beauty within all around you, and then, practice
right action.
String all these right actions together and contentment
arises.
Maybe someone, someday, will even label you as
“Enlightened.”
But at
that time you would no longer be concerned with "labels."
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