Conscious Relationship Part 5 – Understanding Yourself and Your Partner

First make sure you have read blogs: Stranger in a Strange Land Parts 1-4.  Make sure you know how your personality engages with your partner’s. 

Read books about personal growth and relationships (see my bibliography in the first Conscious Relationship blog post).  Think about attending a couple’s retreat.  For an example of what can happen to a couple when they don’t communicate watch the movie, “Hope Springs.”

For understanding how levels of development can affect intimate relationships see Martin Uciks book “Integral Relationships.”  He has recommended readings for couples at different levels. 

http://www.integralrelationship.com

Don’t believe what I write, or what anyone else tells you, unless you check in with your deepest wisdom, meditate on it! 

Grow to a place where you can say to yourself, I deserve a wonderful loving relationship.  I would rather be single forever than accept anything less. 

Expect honesty, loyalty, and respect, I can’t say this enough. 

Miscellaneous thoughts:

If you don’t have a partner, act AS-IF.  You are waiting for one, so, make sure you have a double bed, queen-sized is better.  Keep at least 2 pillows on the bed.  Don’t display pictures of past relationships. 

Make a list of what you would desire in a partner, then, maybe, throw it away.  Put out the intention into the Universe.  There is someone out there for you!

Keep yourself clean and well groomed.  Easy on the perfumes and colognes. 

Make yourself desirable.  Make yourself interesting.   Read books, listen to music.  Learn how to dance, play an instrument, or do art. 

Ignore the media that tells you how you should look and what you should wear.  Maybe get rid of your TV, or keep it hidden. 

Put yourself in situations where you will meet someone attractive to you.  Inner beauty is more important than outer beauty.  Outer beauty will fade, inner beauty grows.  Do you love their voice?    

Join a hiking or biking group, meditation group, reading or writing group.  Doing things that interest you will put you in places with someone who has the same interests.

Once you connect with someone, go easy.  Learn the rules of dating and courting (just don’t ask me what they are, I wasn’t very good at them.  The Universe has been generous to me). 

Tell your lover how much you love them.  If you don’t love them, if you don’t feel loved, find someone who does really and truly loves you, and you can love, with radical acceptance. 

Keep yourself in the best physical shape you can.  Connect this brain-body closer to Source.  Body exercises can include, aerobics, core exercises for your abdomen and back, use light-weight where you can do at least 10-15 repetitions, do stretching (I like yoga!).  

For Mind exercises, see Integral Life Practice for ideas, you don’t need to buy the modules, invent your own!  And, the book is only $15 on Amazon. 

http://www.kenwilber.com/personal/ILP/MyILP.html

George Leonard and Michael Murphy wrote, “The Life We are Given.”  This is another program for brain-body growth. 

Remember the brain and the body are not separate.  When you change one you change the other.  Maybe the body is the temple of the mind.  Maybe the mind is the temple of the body.  The same chemical messengers are active in the brain and in the body, including neurokines, chemokines, and cytokines .

Exercise and meditate together.   Cook together. 

Find out what turns on your partner.  Listen guys, sometimes it is folding clothes and cleaning bathrooms.

Be romantic.  It is said that men trade romance for sex and women trade sex for romance.  Not necessarily true, but some truth resides in statements such as this.  Buy flowers.  Send loving messages by email or text, be appropriate.  Remember that everything digital is forever. 

The heat of initial love and lust usually changes over time, 3 months, 3 years, and so on.  Make dates.  Reserve time with each other. 

Oh, and, did I mention this before, have lots of sex.