Conscious Relationship Part 2 – Radical Acceptance

 First, a confession.  I was married for 27 years.  I got divorced about 10 years ago.  I now have a new life partner for the past 8 years.  We got married about a year and half ago, after about 7 years of living together and owning a house together.

Took me that long to let go of my fear of ever being married again. 

The central part of this letting go of my fear was that we were both able to practice radical acceptance. 

I learned much, being married, getting divorced, having a transitional 1-year relationship, and now being in this most amazing relationship. 

Over the course of time I will discuss some topics from my first blog on Conscious Relationship in a little more depth.  See that first blog for an annotated bibliography. 

I make no assumptions that what I learned will be of use to you. 

For me, radical acceptance is the complete acceptance of your partner as they are right now.  You don’t have to like everything about them.  But, you must love the whole package.  For me this is central to living with another at the highest level of relationship. 

There is a simple, but not always easy, corollary to this.  If you can’t love the whole package, it is time to leave the relationship. 

Making your partner into a “project” is not acceptable.  If you think that they will change for you, think again.  You are only setting yourself up for failure, and overt or passive-aggressive fighting. 

You also understand that they, and you, will change over time.  Change means that you may need to renegotiate your acceptance of your partner. 

For example, if she or he becomes a born-again something, can you still accept them as a life partner?  If they no longer want a monogamous relationship, is that acceptable? 

If they take up a hobby you hate, such as shooting guns (you are such a liberal heretic!), can you accept that without (much) complaint? 

You don’t have to like it.  You just have to accept them. 

Or not.