The Three Commandments

In 1998 just after getting tenure.  I was compelled to start writing.  I was reading Neale Donald Walsch’s book “Conversations with God.”  I felt he got some things wrong, so I wrote a parody I called “Conversations with Dog.”  Here is the Introduction and the first part of chapter 9.  Maybe someday I’ll self publish it and offer it for sale. 

If you know me and want a copy just ask.  If you don’t know me, let me know if you want a copy, and I’ll look into self-publishing.  I’d sell it for minimal cost.   

Introduction

            You are about to have an extraordinary experience...again.  You are about to have a conversation with my dog.  Midnight is, I had thought, a very ordinary dog.  Yes, smarter than most.  At least dog smart, I had thought.  You have been taught to think that is just not possible.  You can talk to your dog, but she can’t talk back. 

            You may be right, it may not be possible.  Nevertheless, I have to write down these conversations.  I may get carted away to the local institution for medication and psychotherapy.  But then again, look what happened to Neale.  He got rich! 

            So I am willing to brave the naysayers.  Call me a blasphemer, a guru, or--perhaps worse--a plagiarizer.  These conversations happened to me. 

            The truth is always evident when we are ready for it. 

            This book will not address all the questions we have ever asked about life.  It will correct some mistakes that Neale made in his best selling book.  It directly addresses sex...I hope to spend a lot of time on sex.  Sorry folks, no photos or even line drawings.  This book will also address the hereafter, paths, and roads well worn and less traveled, but none of them will lead to God.  They sure won’t lead to the Devil either. 

            I have to apologize to Neale.  I never met him, but, I really did like his books.  I think he did a great job of trying to correct 2,000 years of misinformation.  It is just that there is information from my conversations with my dog that needs to be published. 

            Everyone who has read these words agree, all three of them.  Most of all I have to thank Neale, because without his books, I never would have thought of this title.  And, maybe my dog never would have started talking to me. 

            Perhaps when we are finished you will see the truth.  Naked and untouched by human hand, or canine paws.  Perhaps not.

            The truth exists.  You can find it in you.  But, as you will see, no one can tell you the truth.  You have to find it yourself. 

            I need to say now that I am--after reading the wisdom in this book--a lot less embarrassed by my own life.  I have been having fun.  I hope that you will have fun reading this little serious parody.  In the end, having fun is what it is all about.  I know that’s what we all need. 

            I’ll tell you about a few semi-serious “grown-up” responsibilities as well.  But that’s just all part of the path. 

9

So how does the reader know who is right, you or Neale?

            They can’t know what is the truth by reading any books.  They must look inside themselves for the truth.  Remember the truth cannot be known using words. 

What about Neale’s 10 commandments?

            I loved them.  The best part of his book.  A great start for any path.  He really relates the concept of material goods and attachment to them in poetic terms.  However, I don’t think he simplifies them enough.

Oh, so now you are going to rewrite the 10 commandments?

            No.  I’ll just summarize them.

                        1-There is only one Source.

                        2-Love everything.

                        3-Enjoy yourself.

Wait.  I get “there is only one source,”  and maybe “love everything.”  But, what is this “Enjoy yourself” business?

            Yes, “there is only one Source” is the easy part, most would agree on that.  “Love everything” is putting a positive spin on the injunction not to harm anything.  If you love everything, you have to honor your mother and father, not commit adultery, not covet your neighbors spouse or Porsche, not kill people, and so on.  That why “love everything” comes before “enjoy yourself.”  I agree with Neale, that all your actions must come from putting love first. 

So, you have to love everything more than yourself. 

            No.  You must love yourself first, you must fill your self with unselfish love.  Let that love overflow.  Then you can love everything.  Then take pleasure in this physical world, make money, buy toys, have sex.  But, don’t get attached to that stuff.  If you desire all that material stuff too much, if you put that first, you lose the true pleasure, because you lose number one and number two. 

So now we get to talk about sex?

(To be continued…)

Wordless Wednesday

Laughter and the Meaning of Life

 The meaning of life is 42.  Thank you Douglas Adams, you died all too young.

I love to laugh.  My mom loved comedies as well.  In the movie theater she was almost always the first to laugh, and laughed the loudest.  She is a very intelligent woman, still around, just turned 90.  My wife says she enjoys going to the movies with me because of my laugher.  I guess I inherited something from my mother. 

My humor is a bit more edgy than my mother’s, or my wife’s.  I like a very broad range from “The Aristocrats” to all flavors of stand-up comedians.  I particularly like the humor of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, telling the truth about our society, and also making us laugh.   I wait each week for The Onion in paper form, and the Ironic Times online. 

The Hindus have a term, Lila, loosely translated as the creative play of the divine.  This relates to the view of the world from a distance.  From a distance the world is pretty funny.  Up close it can seem quite tragic.  When you take the 35,000-foot view, we are all little ants scurrying around.  When we take the 1,000-year view we can see how far we have come as a human society. 

My past psychotherapist called this climbing up to take in a larger view.  The Buddhists call this taking the view of the Witness. 

The process of personal evolution, moving to a higher stage of consciousness usually brings a sense of humor about the world.  The Dali Lama laughs a lot!  In your own process of growth it is helpful to be creative and also to take a bit of distance and sense of humor at your own attempts to evolve to a higher stage of consciousness. 

Yes, it important to be serious about the environment and human suffering.  We don’t have infinite energy or clean water.  Perhaps we will in the future, maybe if we don’t kill our species off with nuclear war, a plague, or chemical toxins. 

I believe that all creatures evolve because Source, Spirit, All-that-is, whatever you want to label the Universe, needs to appreciate itself.  We are the sensory organs of the Universe. 

Source split itself into “the 10,000 things,” really more like billions and billions of things, because it needs to hide from itself.  If it doesn’t hide from itself, it can’t view “the other.”  Who would be there to appreciate a sunset, a flower, music, art, baby animals, or the touch of a lover? 

Source needs to split itself apart, and hide from Itself, because, as Wilber says, it is no fun to have dinner alone.  Well usually it is not as much fun for most people, as you recall I am an introvert, I have lots of fun being alone!

Humans may well kill themselves off in a nuclear war or some other holocaust.  That might be tragic from my human point of view.  However, this is not a problem for Source, the radiation resistant cockroaches will then evolve to appreciate the universe.

So, always remember that we are the Sensory Organs of the Universe, protect our environment, but also go out there and laugh, and smell the roses.  

Religion, Spirituality, Mystical Experience, versus Enlightenment

Until now we have been using certain terms such as Enlightenment, Spirit, Source, All-that-is, the Ground-of-all-being, without much precision.

As I have mentioned, the ineffable nature of these experiences, makes using words difficult, and by the nature of the subject imprecise.  Words can only be “fingers pointing at the moon.”

Nonetheless, I would like to make a distinction between the stable higher levels of consciousness (see my blog entry Stranger in a Strange Land Part 2), sometimes labeled as enlightenment, and the temporary spiritual experience of All-that-is, also known as a Mystical or Peak experience, Kensho, Samadhi, Satori, Nirvana, and so forth. 

For this we need to discuss the Wilber-Coombs lattice.  This lattice outlines how the Mystical or Peak experience of being “One with the Universe,” can be had at almost any level of development.  But your interpretation of that experience will be different at each level.  Some label the stable levels of consciousness “Stages,” and the temporary Mystical or Peak experiences as “States” of consciousness. 

Jan Brouwer has very nicely laid out some of the implications of the Wilber-Coombs lattice here:

http://www.integralworld.net/brouwer2.html

Jan has some very excellent observations, which I will leave to his essay at the above link. 

What I want to discuss here concerns the differences between a temporary Mystical or Peak experience, and the stable higher levels of consciousness that may allow easy access to this feeling of Oneness.  Someone who has “incorporated this into the bones.”  This latter stable stage or level I will define broadly here as “enlightenment.” 

As I have mentioned before, I believe the generation of this Mystical or Peak experience is the normal state of mind when the ego is quieted. 

Some individuals experience these temporary states briefly under varied circumstances, during brief religious prayer, the flow of exercise, seeing a beautiful sunset, or even during sexual orgasm.  But, this is not so easy to experience through “endogenous” methods such as meditative practices by training the brain-body. 

In the higher more stable stages of consciousness, such as enlightenment, the groove is well established in the brain-body.  This groove allows the ego to quiet relatively easily, and, thereby, that brain-body can more easily access these more temporary Mystical or Peak experiences. 

 

Further, this stable stage enables the ego to be less active overall, so that one “can keep a toe dipped” into this state at almost all times.   Then this brain-body can shed the comfortable coat of ego at will, and put back on the ego overcoat when needed to function optimally in the world. 

Entheogens are one of the easy “exogenous” methods of entering into some level of these temporary experiences.  These can be plant derived or synthetic; cannabis, mescaline, MDA, DMT, ayahuasca, LSD, psilocin, psilocybin, ibogaine, and salvinorin A.  We also know that these entheogens can have dose-dependent effects, and the doses needed for getting to certain states of consciousness are not so clear. 

Recently a friend of mine had a very beautiful psilocybin “trip.”  But, she had a very disturbing post-trip disruption of her mental stability.  When she described it, I pictured that she had dropped a rock upon her raft of “self.”  Knocking it asunder.  Now she is knitting it back together.  I also feel she will be at a higher level of consciousness after this knitting is completed.  But, this episode took quite a toll.  And will take a lot of work to put her raft of self into a stable state again. 

I had an experience in high school where we went to hear a Grateful Dead concert, which never materialized.  I took the first hit off a bottle of Sangria into which we dumped multiple hits of LSD.  The LSD floated.  I was in a dissociative state for several hours.  It was like being in a dream.  I watched my actions and external events.  But, I was not in control.  Very interesting.  Who really was watching? 

I learned a lot about my mind.  But, I was totally useless when gang members entered their park to get rid of “the hippies” and started to beat people up.  Luckily my friends took care of me.  (Thanks Randy!)

Another individual I know got involved with a shamanic group.  From what I hear she is continuing to take ayahuasca on a regular basis.  Perhaps a spiritual bypass, perhaps just continuing to learn. 

Being in the presence of a “guru” can be another exogenous source of entering into a Mystical or Peak experience.  Often, there is nothing wrong with using exogenous methods such as entheogens or your guru.  The problem comes up when you continue to be dependent on an exogenous source for these experiences.  That is one way to be addicted.  If you don’t use this experience to develop the brain-body to a stable higher stage of consciousness, you no longer use this important experience and information to continue your growth. 

More individuals than ever before are endorsing that they are spiritual, but not religious.  These people do not identify with any religious organization or dogma.  Their spirituality encompasses a vast panoply of beliefs and ideas.  Many link their spirituality to the environment, to helping the poor, to mystical experience, to non-denominational prayer. 

Many people are ultimately searching for meaning in their lives.  I see this as evidence that our society is evolving to ever higher levels.  The higher the consciousness of each of the individuals in our society, the higher will be the average level of consciousness of our society. 

You want enlightenment.  You really do.  I applaud you all for exploring the varied ways of evolving to higher stages of consciousness.  Whatever methods you choose, remember that each method often is a boat to get you to the next level.  Often, you must then leave that boat and try a different method of transport for your travel to the next level. You may have a “dark night of the soul,” when you are transitioning to the next level.  Look carefully, talk to trusted others.  Seek help and guidance, when you feel stuck. 

 

You are each beautiful sacred manifestations of All-that-is, Source, Spirit. 

Remind yourself again and again, you are not alone, we are all traveling together.  

Favorite Quotes and Entheogens

Past, Present, Future:  “Mind is always now.  There is really no before and after for Mind.  There is only a now that includes memories and expectations.” -  Schroedinger

Like the empty sky it has no boundaries.  Yet it is right here, ever serene and clear.   When you seek to attain it, you cannot see it.  You cannot take hold of it.  But neither can you lose it. -  Yung-chia

But sitting is not something we do for a year or two with the idea of mastering it.  Sitting is something we do for a lifetime.  There is no end to the opening up that is possible for a human     being.  Eventually we see we are the limitless, boundless ground of the universe.  Having more and more contact with this reality always brings compassion for others and changes our daily life.  We live differently, work differently, relate to people differently.  It isn’t just sitting on a cushion for thirty or forty minutes a day.  Our whole life becomes a practice, twenty-four hours a day.  -  Charlotte Joko Beck (Now Zen)

All of us are apprenticed to the same teacher that the religious institutions worked with:  reality.  It is as hard to get the children onto the school bus as it is to (meditate).  One move is not better than the other, each can be quite boring...wiping noses, going to meetings, picking up around the house, washing the dishes...don’t let yourself think these are distracting you from your more serious pursuits.  Such a round of chores is not a set of difficulties we hope to escape from so that we may do our “practice” which will put us on a “path”---it is our path. -  Gary Snyder (The Practice of the Wild)

There is no such thing as a person. There are only restrictions and limitations. The sum total of these defines the person. You think you know yourself when you know what you are. But you never know who you are. The person merely appears to be, like the space within the pot appears to have the shape and volume and smell of the pot. See that you are not what you believe yourself to be. Fight with all the strength at your disposal against the idea that you are nameable and describable. You are not. Refuse to think of yourself in terms of this or that. There is no other way out of misery, which you have created for yourself through blind acceptance without investigation. Suffering is a call for enquiry, all pain needs investigation. Don’t be too lazy to think. -  Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj (I Am That)

Why are you unhappy?  Because 99.9 per cent of everything you think, and everything you do, is for yourself – And there isn’t one. – Wei Wu Wei (Ask the Awakened)

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Meditation is useful to understand how to be here and now.  You are not trying to achieve anything.  This is often not an easy path. 

You ascend on the ladder of consciousness, even if only for a moment.  But, in that moment you establish the beginings of a “groove” in your brain.  You actually change the structure of your brain. 

The more moments, and longer moments, you spend at those higher levels, the deeper the groove becomes.  With time, a more stable state of higher conciousness is established.  Again, that state is always already present.  The ego covers this up. 

In meditation, often with that first taste, the ego kicks in and wants more of that feeling.  Which chases away that state of conciousness.  Hard stuff in the beginning. 

Many of us children of the 60’s had our first experiences of altered states of conciousness using psychedelics.  A better, and perhaps more useful, label are “entheogens,” drugs that give you an experience of being one with the universe.  (OMG, he used illegal drugs!) 

Drugs can be an easier way to access that state compared to years of meditation.  But, ultimately, depending on these drugs is much less useful than developing your natural access to those states. 

Some still get caught in this spiritual bypass of continued use of these drugs.  A similar problem can be seen with dependency on a guru.  The true guru allows you to receive limbic resonance from their presence.  Then as you become more awake, he throws you out, so that you can develop your access to these states on your own. 

For me, the experience of these drugs led to a deeper appreciation of the world, and my mind in relationship to the world.  Later, I understood that the drugs were not needed.  My mind is powerful enough to generate these states of conciousness on its own. 

Hmmm, generating a state of consiousness by letting go.  Clearly demonstrates the problem with using words to attempt to describe the ineffable. 

For many of us, those experiences allowed us to later search for better ways to access those states of conciousness, without the use of drugs, usually experimenting with various forms of meditation. 

These entheogens may be the way to “kick start” the brains of individuals who would not be able to begin with meditation.  We lost 50 years of research because the hedonists adopted these drugs for recreation, and the government in its finite wisdom criminalized their use.  (Heretic!) 

Reseach into entheogens is slowly being explored once again.  There is data on their beneficial use at the end of life, in addiction, and in chronic pain. 

Let the use of these drugs be fully explored, in safe, well supervised investigations.  We will all benefit from a society with more insightful, compassionate, and connected beings.  

Happiness Prescription

My wife told me this is a very superficial list.  Something she would read in a glamour magazine.  She is probably correct.  I like the list anyway. 

She also said I should write a separate blog on each of these recommendations.  “Tell me why each of these are important to you?”  She is right, and I will, over the course of time.  Perhaps think of this as an initial outline? 

Here is the list:

Laugh as much as possible.  Watch funny movies, read amusing books.  Get up every morning and force yourself to laugh.  You’ll find it is awkward at first, but it works anyway!

Love people.  Hang out with positive people.  Make sure they outweigh the negative people in your life.  Do fun stuff with others.  Try new things that you are afraid to do.

Exercise.  Combine or alternate aerobics, strength training, stretching, and core exercises for your abdomen and back.  Try Yoga, Tai Chi, Qi Gong, Pilates, or Boot Camp.  Make it a time to play!

Eat well.  Try a vegetarian diet.  Make sure to balance your protein intake, and make sure you have an adequate vitamin intake.  If you are a woman take adequate calcium and vitamin D. 

Examine your use of caffeine and alcohol.  Not harmful if used with wisdom, maybe even beneficial, but, also easy to become addicted.  Stop smoking. 

Make high-sugar desserts a small, rare, treat.  Eat dark chocolate (if you like it). 

Write a daily journal about stressful events.  Make a list of 25 things for which you are grateful.  Maybe, write down every day one thing for which you are grateful. 

Meditate; I recommend mindfulness meditation, Mettta, and Tonglen (see my previous posts).

Find meaning in life.  Ask, “what gives me the energy to get up in the morning?”

If you feel stuck, find a good psychotherapist.

Be creative.  Do art, dance, play an instrument, beat a drum, write poetry or prose.

Investigate your personality (see those 4 posts on Stranger in a Strange Land).  

More on these to come…

Conscious Relationship

I originally wrote this as an outline for an informal discussion given with my wife  with the married or partnered medical students who felt their relationships stressed by their training.  

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A relationship with another person is a wonderful and sacred dance.  It is often the source of our greatest pleasure, and our greatest pain.  It is easier to be a “monk on a mountain.”  

Relationships can be a place to grow in ways impossible to do alone.  Relationships can also be a place to act out our damaged childhoods.  

Medical school, indeed any training, places increased pressure on any relationship.  Family responsibilities do as well. 

Things we have learned (this is not a prescription, only ideas to contemplate):

1 – Love yourself, engage in self-growth.  Find out who you are, and what you want. 

2 – Chemistry is not enough (romantic love).  Relationships need time, together, without others.

3 –Accept your partner completely (radical acceptance).  Assume they will not change.  There are no “shoulds” that you can demand from your partner.  You can love them without liking all of their behaviors or opinions.  Be honest, don’t lie, or hide things.  Your partner must be open to hearing it all as well.

4 – Your partner is not there to “complete” you, and you are not there to complete them. They are not there to make you happy.  They can only supply perhaps 25% of what you might need.  Know what you need, what is your “bottom line.” 

5 – Ask what is your commitment to increasing your partner’s well being?  Know what you are able to give.  We all have limits.  Talk and dialog, find out who you each are and what you need. This is not a competition.  There are no rules that everything has to be equal.  Ask for what you want, enjoy what you get.

6 – It is common to play out left over dramas from your childhood.  That may be why you chose your partner, why you were so attracted to them to begin with. 

7 – Remember when you “are in love” you are often experiencing the parts of yourself that you love.  This is projection.  When you are angry with someone, ask yourself what are you really angry about?  Often when you are angry, you are really rejecting an unwanted, hidden, part of yourself. 

8 – See the beauty in yourself, see the beauty in your partner.  If you are together, you are perfect for each other.  You have the perfect partner to learn what you need to learn, right now.  Sometimes this learning can be painful.  You might be cooking on the same griddle.  You might be grinding away each other’s rough edges.  Be committed to growing with each other.  If you don’t work it out here, you may be working it out with someone else. 

9 – Usually there is only “one fight.”  Find out what that main disagreement is.  Find out where it comes from.  Remember, it is your own problem, not your partner’s. 

References:

Anand, Margo. 1995. The art of sexual magic. Tarcher/Putnam, NY  

Ideas for making your sexual relationship part of your personal growth. 

Aron, Elaine 2000. The highly sensitive person in love. Broadway Books, NY   

Highly sensitive people constitute 20% of our population.  Offers advice for living within a relationship.  

Ferrini, Paul.  1998. Creating a spiritual relationship. Heartways Press Geenfield, MA   

A simple wonderful book. 

Hendrix, Harville.  1992.  Keeping the love you find.  Pocket Books NY  

An excellent workbook for couples.  Centers on finding what are you trying to work out in your marriage to this specific individual. 

Hogan, Eve.  2000. Intellectual foreplay.  Questions for lovers and lovers to be.  Hunter House, Alameda, CA   

Useful to start a dialog.  Particularly before you start to live together. 

Kasl, Charlotte. 2001.  If the Buddha married.  Penguin Press, NY   

Some good ideas. 

Keirsey, David. 1998. Please understand me II:  Temperament, character, intelligence.  Prometheus Nemesis Book Company, Del Mar, CA   

Uses the Meyer-Briggs to help you understand your partner and others.   Very useful. 

Keyes, Ken. 1979.  A conscious person’s guide to relationships.  Living Love Publications, Coos Bay, OR   

A simple book, easy read.  Some jargon: i.e., “addictions.”  But a great start. 

Richo, David.  2002.  How to be an adult in relationship: The five keys to mindful loving.   Shambala, Boston   

Talks about:  Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection, Allowing.  The freedom to live in accordance with your deepest wishes and needs.  The enemies are:  Fear, Attachment, Control, Entitlement. 

Welwood, John.  2000.  Toward a psychology of awakening:  Buddhism, psychotherapy, and the path to personal and spiritual transformation. Shambhala, Boston   

Merges Buddhist philosophy with Western psychology and how these relate to personal growth and relationship growth. 

Addendum 05/23/2021:  

Levine, Amir and Heller, Rachel S F.  Attached.  The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find - and keep - love.  

A must read, especially if you feel that your relationships are not working!  

Non-attachment means holding your loved ones…

like a butterfly in the palm of your hand… 

Too tight and they are crushed… 

Hold them with the warmth of your love…