I first heard this during a family therapy session, with one
of my sons as the designated “problem.”
Luckily the therapist saw where the problems actually were located
within our family.
It took me many years of contemplation to explore what she
meant by “incorporating incompetence into self esteem.”
Eventually, I saw how important this might be for each of
us.
We are all incompetent, to some degree. There is always someone who is better than
us at something. Even if we are the
absolute best at one thing, perhaps, the best chess player, the best actor, the
best at some sport in the world. That is
a temporary state. And we can never be
the best at everything.
So each and every one of us has to live with our
incompetence.
You then might ask:
“How do I best live with my incompetence?”
My answer is several-fold.
First you must realize and acknowledge your
incompetence. That is often not so
easy. You may be in denial. You may be ignorant of your incompetence.
Perhaps you make the mistake of narcissism. Perhaps you make the mistake of self-harm.
Therefore, the second part after realization of your
incompetence, is taking the true measure of your incompetence. Avoiding narcissism and self-harm.
Part of taking a true measure is to look at your
incompetence from a distance.
Perhaps imagining climbing high in a tree, or going up in an
airplane.
Gain a wider, more objective, perspective on what is
true.
The third part is to decide what do you want to do about
your incompetence.
You could try to improve yourself. You could improve a tiny little bit, maybe by
asking for help. You could strive to be
the absolute best.
Or, you can do something in between these two possibilities.
On the other hand, you could also choose to accept yourself
exactly as you are.
And, realize you are constantly changing.
Remember, Wei Wu Wei says:
“Why are you unhappy? Because
99.9 per cent of everything you think, and everything you do, is for yourself –
And there isn’t one.”
The choice is yours… maybe.
Ramana Maharshi said:
“There is neither... destiny nor free will…”
Personally, I just like to sit back and have a good laugh at
my small self.
May you all reach that place of love and acceptance for this
creation you call “Myself.”
Namaste.
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