Sunday, July 7, 2024

The Reflex Gets Rusty

In the distant past I identified as a lazy individual…  

I would procrastinate until the very last minute, putting off those tasks I did not want to perform.  

In high school, along with smoking cannabis, and skipping classes, that resulting in my barely graduating.  

After contemplation, through meditation and psychotherapy, I realized what I was seeking was to be efficient.  

I did not want to waste my precious time on worthless tasks, such as homework… 

I would rather be out hanging with friends listening to music and discussing deep philosophical ideas, driving around town with my friend Neil who had a car, walking or swimming at the beach, bicycling around town, or spending hours reading about science and reading science fiction.  

It is hard to know who you are when you are young…  

It takes a lifetime of specific work to start to know yourself…  

I first learned to meditate in the 1970’s as part of my training in martial arts at our local community college.  I went to community college first because I barely graduated high school.  

I learned that meditation allows the monkey mind to get out of the way, so that your martial art was more efficient.  

Several trips on LSD at about age 15-16 further clarified the way my mind worked.  

I had an early experience of psychotherapy at about the same age when I was caught rolling cannabis by my parents, and, therefore, sent to someone to make sure I was not “crazy.”  He did some standardized testing and counseling sessions and told my parents I was not a danger to myself and was just a smart teenager terribly bored by school.  

I was an on and off meditator until the 1990’s when I was working hard trying to gain tenure at the UW-Madison.  That stressor had me waking at 3 am and going to the bathroom to meditate sitting on my folded bathrobe.  

I eventually started meditating with Vipassana groups, sitting for longer periods of time.  

It would usually take the first 2-3 days of a 7-10-day retreat for the mind to calm down.  

After many retreats and continued meditation, the mind could slip into “Calm Clear Mind” just by stopping for a moment.  I have written about “keeping a toe dipped into” this mind state at most times.  

That is what I call “The Reflex.” 

When I avoid meditating, labeling myself as too tired, too busy, I feel that monkey mind arising…  

Meditating can feel like a chore, it takes time to sit…  

On the surface, it can feel like a waste of precious time.  

Of course, sitting in meditation makes me more efficient.  

This last time I lapsed in my practice, when I sat, I came up with this thought of “The Reflex Gets Rusty.”  

It becomes a little more difficult to slip into the calm clear mind state.  

It no long feels like having a toe dipped in this mind state.  

I don’t berate myself for not sitting…  

I find it amusing…  

This uncovers the various selves that make up our personalities, in this case, that part that thinks that sitting is not efficient and that part that knows that sitting makes me more efficient.  

It is a dance of this current mind…  

Contemplation allows a deeper and more complete uncovering of how the mind works…  

May uncover formerly unconscious information…  

And the mind will continue to change and evolve…  

Part of the Beauty and Mystery of existence…  

Enjoy the ride… 

Namaste



Thursday, May 23, 2024

Do We Create Reality?

Watching the Apple TV plus series Dark Matter.  

I have read a few of Blake Crouch’s books, not read this one.  

What I have read, usually deals with the nature of reality…  

Warning:  Spoiler Alert ahead…  

Currently watched the 4 released episodes, last one May 22, 2024. 

The current premise is that scientists built a box that can allow travel to different dimensions on earth.  What we just learned, is what you are thinking about at that moment allows you to open a door to that dimension.  

The antagonist built this box to travel to an alternate reality where he did not leave his pregnant girlfriend, and so can return to a loving wife and 16-year-old son, he did have to get rid of the protagonist, his alternate self, but did not kill him, instead sent him back to the antagonist’s alternate reality.   You can read or watch the rest yourself, if interested.  

I am more interested in the idea that we have a hand in creating our own realities.  

On one level, what we think, sometimes, results in what we do.   

For example, on a population level, if enough of the US population thinks that Trumpf is a good choice to be president, and goes out to vote for him, then that may turn into a (dreaded) reality.  

On an individual level, if we bank or invest money on a regular basis, investing in our future self, we may be able to live a life with more ease, maybe even retire before we die.  That of course also depends on the state of the economy, and factors that may have allowed us to have enough income to bank or invest our money.  

There are those who think we have no choices, that we have “No Conscious Will.”   

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2017/05/

It is possible that all our actions and behaviors arise from our genetic tendencies altered by our environmental experiences.  

However, I like to paraphrase Ramana Maharshi, “There is no Destiny, There is no Free Will.”  

Truth in paradox…  

I like to think we have a responsibility to act at the highest levels…  

Perhaps we might follow the precepts of our religion of origin, or an adopted set of precepts…  

There are:  The 10 Commandments, Jewish 613 Mitzvot, Buddhist precepts, and I assume many more…  

I like my “Three Commandments”  

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-first-commandment.html

Or it can be very simple, such as, “Be Kind”  

I like to think that I can choose to be kind and compassionate, I can make choices to invest in my future self, I can be a force to make the world a better place through my actions and behaviors.  

I could be correct, or I could be fooling myself…   

Perhaps, in the end, this world is mostly a Mystery…  

Namaste




Saturday, April 13, 2024

Thoughts on Totality

I have seen partial eclipses several times in my lifetime.  

Each time felt quite amazing. 

This past April 2024, my wife and I took a trip to visit my sister brother-in-law in upstate NY, and then traveled with them further north to my nephew and his wife in Colton, NY, to try to see totality.  

We lucked out, despite some high clouds, we had a magnificent view!  

Traveling on the way back, my wife mentioned it was better than any psychedelic experience.  

I agreed, greater than any of my own psychedelic experiences.  

In the psychedelic literature one of the measures of importance has been to cite the psychedelic experience as:  “Among the Top 5 Personally Meaningful Experiences of a Lifetime.”  

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3050654/

I would agree and rate this short 4.5 minute experience of totality as “Among the Top 5 Personally Meaningful Experiences of a Lifetime.”  

Why would this view of the new moon completely eclipsing the sun result in what I could label as an amazing, even spiritual, experience?  

The rays spanning out were stunningly beautiful, there was an intense red dot of a solar prominence at the bottom of the eclipse. 

The sudden darkness was interesting, the temperature dropped, and we all donned more clothing.  

It was not the experience of the mosquitos suddenly coming out to bite…  

I like my toys, I had a solar telescope, image stabilized binoculars and a binocular telescope both with glass solar filters, lots of eclipse glasses for viewing.  

Seeing the sunspots and the solar prominences using the solar telescope is always beautiful.  

Watching the slow progression was amazing.  

At totality we all removed our eclipse glasses, seeing this sight with the naked eye was something else.  

Although, I am writing a lot here, the experience is truly ineffable…  

Why?  

There has been much written through the ages about the significance given to solar eclipses, particularly before we understood the science.  

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20231012-how-solar-eclipses-have-shaped-history

In 1919 expeditions to view the solar eclipse confirmed Einstein’s generalized theory of relativity.

https://www.astronomy.com/science/a-history-of-solar-eclipses/



Some become “addicted” to seeing totality repeatedly: 

https://beingintheshadow.com/publications/total-addiction-the-life-of-an-eclipse-chaser/

Humans are interesting creatures.  

As humans we can find beauty in unusual places, sometimes we find beauty in symmetry, in the structure of molecules, even in great ugliness:  

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2013/03/the-three-beauties.html

Perhaps, this breathtaking beauty of totality, is the basic spiritual experience of Source, G-d, All-That-Is, and All-That-Is-Not. 

You are the Totality…  

You are experiencing the beauty of being human, and being the Totality…  

Perhaps, instead of chasing eclipses, we can slow down, and perhaps begin to see the magnificence in our everyday experiences.   

Namaste



Sunday, March 17, 2024

Heretics Against Fundamentalism

Maybe a bumper sticker?

Maybe on a T-shirt?

One of those thoughts that came up in meditation…  

Been reading John McWhorter’s “Woke Racism:  How a New Religion Has Betrayed Black America”  

He is a great writer… 

And, I believe, with great ideas.  

He is a Heretic…  

I’m not here to discuss whether he is right or wrong, read it, then make up your own mind…  

Inequity exists, I agree with him that current DEI efforts do not work, I wrote about inequity before:  

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2020/08/black-lives-matter.html

However, I am more interested in how individuals develop and evolve, and how that reflects into how societies develop and evolve…  

Humans are prone to racism, this is because humans are naturally xenophobic, therefore, have a tendency toward nativism.  Xenophobia is one of the survival instincts of being human. 

Humans tend to band together with those that they think are like them, then they find “the Other,” and then make this “Other” a scapegoat, enslave, or kill, this “Other.”    

Banding together often evolves into a Religion…  

Religions tend to fundamentalism…  

Heretics, those who question the fundamentalistic ideas, also become “The Other.”  

Evolution allows one to see the errors of fundamentalism, allows the development of a larger view, like climbing a mountain and seeing the bigger picture.  

I’ll link back to the 3 Commandments and the “Mistakes of Love Everything.” 

Particularly the mistakes of:

“Idiot Compassion”

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-second-commandment-love-everything_20.html

And, “Unfair Punishment”

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-second-commandment-love-everything_26.html

To quote myself:  “Remember, the higher we are on the evolutionary scale, the greater percentage of persons we consider to be “family.”  Family is defined as those we are willing to care for emotionally, and economically if needed.  

We care for them not with Idiot Compassion, but with Wise Compassion.  We take care of the poor, but we don’t enable sloth and laziness.  Yet, as a society we might err on the side of compassion and generosity.  

We teach people how to care for themselves.  Creating methods and institutions to help people to grow and evolve from the earliest of ages.  We teach people “how to fish.”  We offer them the practices that can help them grow.”  

And we can realize that “Everyone is Doing the Best They Can.”

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2016/10/this-most-precious-gift.html

How Heretical…  

Seems these days both the Right and the Left have tendencies toward disruption and even violence.  It seems that generous listening is passe’.  There seems to be a lack of respect for the other, within conversations, whether in debate, discussions, or dialogue.  

https://depts.washington.edu/fammed/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/3d-HANDOUT.pdf

I would like to see more of this:  “In dialogue, emotions help deepen understanding of personal, group and intergroup relationship issues. Dialogue works to uncover confusion, contradictions and paradoxes with an aim to deepen understanding.”   

I am not seeing a lot of dialogue occurring.  Maybe I’m just not looking in the right places.  That may be a problem of our dependency for information from current media and the internet, we usually do not get the news about the “Goodness of being human,” that is not as sellable as the “Awfulness of being human.”    

What is it about being human that we are more fascinated by Bad News compared to Good News.  

Maybe this is another human survival instinct, you must be aware of the saber-toothed tiger that is hunting you…  

What I see in my clinic is that so much pain and suffering seem to come from unhappy childhoods, so many children grow up either emotionally or physically abused, or grow up with a sense of abandonment…   

Maybe that is just because people come to my clinic due to physical pain, and often chronic pain arises from a history of abuse…  

Then how do we prevent these unhappy childhoods?

Most of those parents who abuse or abandon their children, have been abused or abandoned themselves…   

What allows some parents to deal with their past in a healthy manner and not confer their own history of suffering upon their children?  

How do we construct society so that people can heal, and bring up their children with love and compassion?  

Some people have used religion to get past their childhood traumas, some have used psychotherapy, and some have used psychedelics.    

I think we all wish to be happier individuals…  

There are methods to be happier, these are often methods to help us evolve, I would wish that everyone could practice methods that would lead to greater individual happiness, that would lead to greater societal happiness…  

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2013/03/the-three-emotions.html

However, as one of my insightful psychotherapists once mentioned, for some people happiness is not going to happen “in this lifetime…”  

Maybe a new religion would be helpful?  

I have written, sarcastically, on how we could create a new religion based on the works of Ken Wilber, Integralism…

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2015/05/integralism-how-to-worship.html

However, with additional contemplation, perhaps, any new religion would be a mistake, as they will all tend toward fundamentalism.  

Perhaps even being a Heretic can devolve into fundamentalism…  

Maybe we all must be ever vigilant of our individual tendency toward fundamentalism…  

And, perhaps, “Heretics Against Fundamentalism” is simply redundant.  A product of that part of my mind, “the Department of Redundancy Department.”   

I wish for each of you to find those practices to help you each evolve as far as you can go “in this lifetime.”  

I wish for all of you to find your happiness…  

Namaste




Saturday, December 9, 2023

Touch during Psychedelic Therapy

Another interesting conversation with my wife this morning.  

We were involved in a study of psilocybin together, developing a training program for guides as well as guiding together.  I was also one of the supervising physicians, my wife was the lead guide and trainer.  

My wife also worked with MDMA therapy and is a certified guide, trained under MAPS.  She is also an RN, certified yoga teacher, body work therapist, certified in massage therapy and has trained and practiced Jin Shin Jyutsu energy medicine.  

We both share a long-term interest in complementary and alternative medicine.  

We are both comfortable with therapeutic touch.    

We both strongly believe that there should be no sexual touch within the practice of psychedelic therapy.  

We started out discussing, the risks and benefits of touch during psychedelic therapy.

So, of course, I started to write an outline for levels of how we might work with the body during therapy.  


1) Body Awareness.  

For instance, such as Gendlin focusing:  “It involves holding a specific kind of open, non-judging attention to an internal knowing which is experienced but is not yet in words. Focusing can, among other things, be used to become clear on what one feels or wants, to obtain new insights about one's situation, and to stimulate change or healing of the situation. Focusing is set apart from other methods of inner awareness by three qualities: something called the "felt sense", a quality of engaged accepting attention, and a researched-based technique that facilitates change.”  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Focusing_(psychotherapy)

We have also been taught and practiced, for me particularly during meditation, directing our consciousness to any areas of which we become particularly aware, perhaps an area that might feel cold or hot, feel pressure, or might be numb or painful.  

Specific body awareness can also be used in various forms of Guided Imagery.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guided_imagery

The guide might ask what it might be like if you touched yourself in a certain, nonsexual, area, or asking what it would be like if someone else touched that nonsexual area.  


2) Self-Touch

Spontaneous Self-Touch.  As a guide we can be aware when someone is spontaneously touching a part of their body.  This may give us information about what is going on either consciously or unconsciously.  We may ask about this at the time we notice the touch or save that questioning for later.  

Directed Self-Touch.  Someone might be experiencing distress, and we might intuit that placing their own hand over a nonsexual area, perhaps, their heart or abdomen, may help to focus or clarify their feelings.  

During Holotropic Breathwork we were shown how to take a rolled-up handkerchief or towel and self-hold it at the front of our neck with some light pressure, to help stimulate the arising of unconscious information. 

Then there are also possible self-touch behaviors that might be disturbing.  For instance, how would you act if a person under the influence of psychedelic medicine started to masturbate?  https://www.counseling.org/resources/library/vistas/vistas06_online-only/McCulloch.pdf



3) Touch by the Guide.  

Here we get into more risky behaviors.  Many therapists have been trained to never touch the client.  

We recommend always obtain consent before, and during, the dose day, and always practice any possible touch before the dose day.  

Within concern for risks, this is also a good reason to have 2 guides present during dose day, and, perhaps, to have consent to videotape sessions.  

We have usually practiced grasping hands to forearms.  This is probably the least risky touch.  

Next level might be to practice the guide touching a client’s shoulder, to see if that is comfortable.  

There can be great comfort and healing with hugs, perhaps feeling cuddled or cradled.  However, this is more likely where sexual boundaries can be crossed.  

It can be even more risky when a client asks you to hold a sensitive, but clearly not a sexual, area such as their neck.  

During Holotropic Breathwork we experienced, with consent, someone applying strong pressure to the back or chest, as a form of resisting body work.  You may wish to use a pillow as part of this kind of therapy.  

You may wish to inquire as to how firm a touch is requested?  A firm touch may be grounding, or a feeling that the guide might be pulling them up from the abyss.  A light touch may be just as helpful and healing.  

As a guide, you may want to contemplate what level of touch is comfortable for you.  Not everyone is comfortable with touch.  Perhaps hugging a client is too much for you.  There are other methods, you could keep a teddy bear or a pillow in the room for hugging.  It might be important to explore your own comfort in depth before entering into this field.  


4) Body Work.

There are many forms of so-called “Body Work.”  Some do not involve touch at all, particularly certain forms of energy work.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bodywork_(alternative_medicine)

Non-touch formal types of body work might be Hakomi, somatic experiencing, reiki, qigong.  

Light-touch body work might be craniosacral, Alexander, Feldenkrais.   

Stronger-touch body work might be shiatsu, reflexology, Rolfing, chiropractic, massage.  

These are not complete lists of types of body work.  

One would only contemplate using these techniques with formal training.  

Most would likely use these for integration rather than during a session.  

Again, consent is always required.  


My wife brought up an interesting question of what constitutes “consent” when someone is currently under the influence of psychedelic medicine?  

Drugs such as MDMA, as well as classic psychedelics, may promote a feeling of closeness and warmth for others, this may be a risk for crossing sexual boundaries.  

Also, there is often an increase in emotional sensitivities, perhaps the client might feel they would be causing upset if they refused offered touch.  

Drugs such as Ketamine, at certain doses, may have an effect of damping down skin sensations, your body may feel “wooden.”  How would that effect any possible touch by the guide?  


As always, we do not feel we have the last word on any of these subjects.  

We are most interested in starting and promoting ongoing conversations.    

What we would advocate is attention to touch in any psychedelic training program, attending to risks, benefits, ethics.  

And, as always, we would advocate for further research into the possibilities of using touch during psychedelic therapy.



Namaste  




Friday, November 24, 2023

Thoughts on Thoughts

There are many teachings on how to deal with thoughts that arise during meditation.  

One can observe the thought arising and let it drift away like clouds in the sky.  

One can label a thought, either more specifically such as, “planning,” “memory,” etc, or less specifically as “thinking, thinking, thinking,…”  Then let it drift away…   

One can use a visualization, such as standing with a sword and cutting off the thought as it arises, specifically, not suppressing any thoughts arising.   

If it might be an important thought, we might keep a journal and pen nearby, or even pick up our phone, and write down something that we think might be profound.  We must be careful, for this is another way of getting lost in the thought.  Perhaps write something brief, and then let it go…  and not do this practice too often…  

Often beginners are taught to count the breaths, perhaps to 10, and watch when you lose count, and begin again…     

Then perhaps to simply watch the breath, perhaps noticing the sensations at the nose, or the abdomen…  

One can concentrate on a flickering candle, even an LED candle, for safety…

Some practices teach by methods of using a mantra, or chanting, to occupy the monkey mind…  

One can count or pray, or just use the sensation, of a mala or rosary beads, passing through the fingers…  

There are multitudes of methods…  

I learned of a new one last night, we had our niece over for thanksgiving dinner, and she was describing a method she was taught, where you visualize the thought as a flower, you then reach out and grasp the flower, then bring it into your hand, creating a bouquet that you can hold…   interesting!

Many of these methods are to practice being still and developing the power of concentration…  

The next step after concentration, may be the arising of a quiet mind…  

However, the more you pursue the quiet mind, the more it slips away…  

This is a process of letting go…  

Letting go of anything that is not the quiet mind…  

The other day when meditating, during quiet mind, arose a feeling of “Just This…” 

The feeling became the words, “just this.”   

Then I started writing this Blog entry in my mind, and was lost for few moments…  

I did jot down this brief thought, on my phone, and then let go, slipping back into quiet mind…  

One can use events, memories, recurrent thoughts, as a practice of letting go…  

Our dog ate something and vomited right on my meditation cushion and mat, and we had to wash everything off, yuck!    

I was subsequently meditating on why would my dog vomit, specifically, on my sacred space…  

Of course, my dog does not know this is my sacred space, he just found a place to vomit…  

So, I used this as a practice, it became a short practice of another letting go, every space is a sacred space, and nowhere is a sacred space… another truth in paradox…  

The difficulties with recurrent thoughts and memories related to complex trauma and PTSD, I will leave to others, I am not an expert in this field…   

Another night in quiet mind, arose thoughts of when does “The Witness, The Observer,” drop away…   

Since this was interesting, I let these thoughts unfold…  

What arose for me was that, perhaps, The Witness may observe “All-That-Is,” but is unable to observe “All-That-Is-Not…”  

When The Witness drops away, might arise resting in “All-That-Is-Not…”  

Arising of pure potential…  

Resting in pure consciousness…  

Pure subjectivity…  

Without a thinker…  

Perhaps…  

Perhaps requires further contemplation…  


Namaste




 


Sunday, May 14, 2023

Destiny Mates

“Soulmates. One experience is that they usually recognize each other almost instantly, no matter if they are biological, transformational, or transcendental soulmates. A second quality is that they have removed all barriers to love and come from a sense of fullness instead of need or lack. A third quality is that they are devoted to facing all challenges in life and avoiding nothing to live together/procreate, to learn, heal, grow, and awaken together, and to make the world a better place.”

The above is from Martin Uciks’ introduction to this movie as part of his teachings on Integral Relationships:  

Module 24 - Grace and Grit (2021)

 “…this movie that is based on Ken Wilber’s book Grace and Grit: Spirituality and Healing in the Life and Death of Treya Killam Wilber”

https://integralrelationship.com/irgf-movies/

I very much resonate with this description as to what unfolded within my wife’s and my relationship…  

However, I have written before about my difficulty with the term “Soul”  

Just seems to be so poorly defined:

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2017/12/soul.html

I won’t go back into my difficulties with this term here, I outlined them quite well in my that blog... 

So, I will, as usual, be a Heretic and propose a new term to replace “Soulmates” with “Destiny Mates.”  

A few comments:

1-We did recognize each other immediately…  

 However, we met later in life and agreed to be friends, before exploring physical intimacy…  

Additionally, there is a strong feeling of having met before, actually, to have been in a significant intimate relationship…  

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2013/05/we-have-always-been-together.html

To feel that we were destined to be together, yet, holding that, when we first met, this was not quite yet the right time…  

And, to be honest, I thought she was so attractive, that she would have been whisked away by some other being, before I was ready to be in relationship with her…  

2-We came together only after being as close as we could to “come from a sense of fullness.” 

This is most important, I see this as taking the time to grow yourself as an individual, first in relationship to yourself, particularly, to become self-aware of your projections, emotional reactivities, and personality tendencies…  

3-I very much resonate with this passage:  “devoted to facing all challenges in life and avoiding nothing to live together/procreate, to learn, heal, grow, and awaken together, and to make the world a better place.”  

You are each dedicated to your own personal growth and evolution, only then can you be dedicated to your partner’s growth…

Additionally, by phone and letters, we discussed at length, wishes and desires within a mindful relationship.  

We used this book as a basis of pre-intimate relationship exploration:  

Hogan, Eve.  2000. Intellectual foreplay.  Questions for lovers and lovers to be.  Hunter House, Alameda, CA   

Additional references on Conscious Relationship here:  

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2013/03/conscious-relationship.html

I actually wrote a 5-part blog on Conscious Relationship, Part 2 here:

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2013/03/conscious-relationship-part-2-radical.html

Thinking about our relationship on this Mother’s Day, because we met in mid-life, we did not get the chance to procreate together…  

However, we have the blessing of grandparenting together, as well as the gift of mentoring students together…  

I do not expect anyone to change their minds about their own definitions of “Soul” or “Soulmate”…  

It is my own Heretic Nature to be as precise as possible…  

While also not falling into the black pit of scientism, that is, preserving the Mystery of Spirit:  

http://enlightenedmdphd.blogspot.com/2014/11/gurus-surf-where-schizophrenics-drown.html

As for me…  

We will see if the term “Destiny Mates” ever catches on…  

As I blogged before:  

Perhaps it might be best just hold the unfolding of a beautiful relationship in the words of Iris DeMent’s song used in the second season of “The Leftovers:”

“I think I'll just let the mystery be…” 

Namaste