Addictions

Warning:  This is a heretical rant.

I am no expert on addictions.  But I have a working familiarity with my own addictions and the addictions of my patients.  And, I read the national papers and the literature. 

For those who want further information on conventional definitions and treatments see this eMedicine article:

http://www.emedicinehealth.com/addiction/article_em.htm

A confession.  I am addicted to buying stuff.  I am very future oriented.   I think about all the things I can do with these things I buy.  I was heavily into astronomy, I still do stargaze, but I bought too many telescopes and eyepeices.  I have lots of books about each of my hobbies, I do read them.  I have 2 hard shell kayaks and a small ultra-light canoe, and several cool ultralight paddles.  I have 6 bicycles…  I can go on, but you get the picture.  I try not to throw my household into bankruptcy. 

Today, I am more interested in the bigger picture. 

The idea that we make drug use illegal is perhaps one of the most misguided efforts imaginable.  The main thing that it does is foster harmful activity against others.  From the junkie trying to get money for that next hit, who steals or hurts someone, or, someone who sells their body, or someone else’s body, for drugs and money.   To the pushers and suppliers who kill each other, bystanders, and anyone who gets in their way. 

In essence our current system puts large sums of money in the hands of not so very nice individuals and groups.  They then use that money to buy weapons and protection.  Often corrupting the very individuals we hire to protect our society. 

Make the stuff legal.  Put all that money into prevention, education, and treatment. 

What seems to be so hard about this? 

Will it take time?  Yes.  Will we have to change the system on so many levels?  Yes. 

But, think about it.  Did prohibition work?  No.  Make drugs legal.  Tax them.  Put all those billions we spend on incarceration, the police, aid to countries to eliminate drugs, to something worthwhile. 

We are all hurting individuals.  But, some of us are more hurting than others.  Sometimes we hurt from emotional, physical, or sexual trauma.  Some of us just never developed adequate emotional intelligence and coping mechanisms.  Is that a crime?

We all want some pleasure from life.  Sometimes we mistake these small pleasures for the real pleasure we are seeking. 

 

Sometimes we are looking to expand our consciousness.  Sometimes we are searching to have a spiritual experience.  Often we have no idea why we do the things that we do. 

I have already argued that we are all after enlightenment.  I won’t repeat myself. 

Change the system.  Please, sooner rather than later.  

Gentler Meditation

 Your comments on my first writings on mediation and enlightenment had concerns about how that was a bit of a harsh view.  Very guy oriented.  I agree.  I tend to take the warrior’s view toward life.

 

Yet, I had one of my most profound openings to “all that is” during a session devoted to Metta, also known as loving kindness meditation. 

There are 2 general forms of meditation, concentration and open.  In concentration meditation there is a single focus.  This is especially useful at your beginning.  Such methods include, counting the breath at the nose or belly, walking and very closely observing your every step, concentration on a candle flame.   These techniques have been likened to keeping a demon busy by giving them a task of straightening a curly hair with its fingers.  Giving an impossible task, done over and over again, can focus the mind.   Perhaps we are keeping the monkey mind busy. 

Open meditation expands the use of the senses.  You might listen to all the sounds you can hear.  You might feel all the sensations in you body as they arise.  You may keep your eyes open and watch the mind drink in everything it sees.  You might sit in a room or walk in nature.  Again, we are still watching the mind, and using careful observation, we still avoid the “story telling.” 

Often when we walk in nature we are commenting and narrating within our mind.  We get lost in the past, “ Oh wow, I remember the last time I was walking in nature and…”  Or lost in the future, “Next time I’ll come back with my lover, they will love this too!”  Can we be in the present, right here, right now, without any running commentary? 

Metta is a path that is a little different from both concentration and open meditations.  It still involves concentration and focus, however, you bring in an “other.”   Of, course there really isn’t an “other.”  There is only “all that is.”  But in our everyday life, there are “others” that we distinguish from “ourselves.” 

I used to look down on Metta.  What is this loving kindness meditation?  Sounds soft.   Where is the warrior in that kind of mediation?    Yet, I was in an 8-day silent retreat at the Insight Mediation Society in Barre MA, and the meditation of the day was Metta, with Sharon Salzberg.  I was resistant.   I almost went out walking in the woods instead.  Nonetheless, I knew that part of the 8-day practice was doing things that we do not find so comfortable.  

Really, looking at the whole retreat, who wants to just sit for 8 days almost totally in silence, alternating with zombie walking? 

So, I went.  Repeating these words of loving-kindness.  First to a loved one, that is easiest, then to someone we are neutral about, then to an “enemy,” and then, perhaps the hardest for some, to yourself.  

 

May you be safe. 

May you be healthy. 

May you be happy. 

May you live with ease. 

“What was this namby-pamby, soft style of meditation?”  My warrior side rebelled.  But, somehow in that 45 minutes there was this opening.  This compassion, for all that is, and all that is not.  The world fell away.  Empty-Fullness.  The light-in-the-dark.  Wow, blown away. 

Tonglen is another useful technique.  I teach Metta and Tonglen to the medical students in their Healer’s Art class.  These are techniques you can use in general meditation, but also, when you are confronted with something you cannot easily change.  You may see someone suffering, someone in pain, and you have nothing else to offer.  In Metta you repeat these 4 phrases above, while holding that individual in your mind.

In Tonglen, you use a visualization.  You breathe in that person’s suffering.   Within you, that suffering transforms into a bright light energy, that you then breathe back out to that person.  You might visualize that suffering as a grey dark energy when you breathe it in.  In your deep presence, that grey energy transforms into energy filled with peace, freedom, health, and all that is good.  Again, as a practice, you can start with someone you love, proceed to a neutral person, then to an “enemy.”  Powerful stuff! 

You say, “Whoa, hold on there, I’m not breathing in that grey suffering, that will be harmful!” 

The truth is that there is never any harm in entering into another’s suffering.  The only thing that another’s suffering can do to you is to burn away your own ego.  Burn away everything that gets in the way of radical acceptance, of all that is. 

Radical acceptance?  

That is a topic for another day…

Enlightenment

Yes, you really do want it.   Yes, you do.  You have been looking for it all your life. 

“Bullshit” you say.  I’m no Buddhist.  “I don’t even know what this enlightenment is!”    

Well, what is it not?   You are substituting so many other things instead.  Shopping, trolling the internet, sex, food, playing games, drugs, alcohol. 

Now sex (so now you’re paying attention), there is something that gets close.  That moment of orgasm, where everything slips away, you are one with your lover, one with the universe. 

Now ask yourself, “why, do I do the things I do?”  Do I do them for pleasure?  Do I really love these things I spend my valuable time upon? 

What if there is a way to have pleasure that is deeper, longer lasting, healthier? 

Not that sex is unhealthy.  Perhaps not as healthy when it is done mindlessly, without love. 

Why do people have addictions to drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, gambling?  What are they after?  What is missing for them?  

The better question is:  “what do I really want?” 

The answer is true for every human.  Whether you accept this truth or not. 

We all want the same thing. 

Enlightenment. 

But how do we get there?  What is it really?

It is hard to describe.  Like orgasm, if you never experienced it.  Or, perhaps, trying to describe the pleasure of seeing color to a blind person. 

Really, you have it right now. 

Your brain just covers it up with thoughts.  Too many thoughts, continuous thoughts.  Thoughts about the future.  Thoughts about the past.  Musings.  Ramblings.  Obsessions. 

You do enter pure enlightenment every night.  In deep dreamless sleep.  You have to.   You would die without sleep.  Even rats die without sleep. 

So how do you enter that state while maintaining some level of consciousness?   Without being in deep dreamless sleep?

Well, if you are already in that state, and thoughts get in the way, then how do you stop the thoughts?

You can’t just stop them, that really does not work. 

But you can watch your thoughts carefully.  Some have written that you watch your thoughts like a Samurai with a sword, ready to cut the thought as soon as it barely arises. 

Imagine your thoughts arising from a deep dark pool.  As they arise they are not fully formed.  If you miss the cut, if they do form, then let them drift away like a cloud.  This usually takes training.

Thoughts arise, and then thoughts about the thoughts, and whole stories arise.  The so-called Monkey Mind. 

Concentration.  Meditation training.  Not easy.  But, worthwhile.  A long-term investment in your true happiness. 

Like training a puppy.  You keep bringing the puppy back to the paper until it learns where to pee.  You bring your mind back to carefully watching your thoughts arise.  Slowly, slowly, slowly the mind quiets. 

Creativity.  You have to come up with your own plan.  Your own path. 

Enlightenment is removing everything that gets in the way of realizing the basic nature of your true mind.  It is there already.  Right now.  You are always already enlightened. 

You just don’t know it, and substitute other stuff.  Stuff that gives you instant pleasure.  Fleeting pleasure.  Nothing that lasts very long.  Little that can really make you happy. 

You know this already.  You always have.  It is built into your genetic code, within this brain-body.  You are truly one with everything that is, and everything that is not. 

But, we have an animal brain.  It also wants to survive.  And it also wants instant pleasure.  It lusts after fleeting pleasure.  Also built into our genetic code. 

Indulge in these instant pleasures, as long as it does not harm others or yourself. 

But, also invest in the long-term development of concentration and meditation. 

And care for the body.  Watch the food you eat.  Indulge in body exercise such as stretching, aerobics, light weights, core exercises.  But, don’t get addicted to exercise. 

Hang out with positive people.  Laugh a lot.  Enjoy the connection with others and nature.  You are everyone and everything.  It is just so hard to see this clearly. 

Some advise taking a meditation class.  Or, perhaps mindful yoga or Tai Chi/Qi Gong.  Many paths. 

Perhaps try sitting or walking meditation on most days of the week.  Start doing it for 5 minutes every day.  Work up to 30-45 minutes a day.  Maybe after exercise, when you are less sleepy.  Try the early morning, at lunch, the evening.  Do you wake at 3 am to pee?  Pee and then sit.  Don’t get addicted to meditation either. 

Set aside one weekend every few months for a full day or weekend of sitting.  By yourself, with a trusted other, or with a group.  Attend a 3, 5, 8, or even 10-day silent retreat once per year.  Some people do a 3-month retreat, hard to carve that out of a busy life.  Even harder when funds are limited.  There are many inexpensive options, including no or low-cost courses and retreats (just Google “free meditation courses”). 

Creativity.  Find what works for you!   

Hard stuff may come up.  Realizations.  Maybe you need to change the work you do.  Have you found your true passion?  Ask the most basic question of all, “who am I.”  See what comes up! 

Take a deeper look at your personal relationships.  Can you deepen the relationships you have?  Do you need to let go of people, and objects, which might be holding you back?  Maybe you need some guidance.  Maybe psychotherapy.  Find someone who knows about meditation. 

You are already enlightened.  Drop everything that gets in the way of realizing you are in that state of being. 

Drop everything that gets in the way of entering the deep place of Empty-Fullness.  That place that is fully dark and yet full of light. 

Then carry this realization embedded in your bones into your everyday life. 

You will then always have a toe dipped into enlightenment.  And then every action is right action.  There are no regrets.

Each action is exactly as it should be.  Going to work, brushing your teeth, washing and folding clothes, eating, making love. 

You are that.  

Introduction and Confessions

Confessions

I have many strong opinions about pretty much everything. 

But, my ultimate wish is that individuals reading here will stay open.   Take some time to consider other ways of looking at the world. 

As we grow we may develop multiple lenses through which we can see the world more clearly.  If we have only one lens, the world can be seen from only a single viewpoint.  With multiple lenses, we can appreciate the deeper beauty of the world. 

MD, PhD

Actually, I have 5 degrees past high school; AA, BS, MS, PhD, MD, in that order.  I got the AA degree at a local 2-year college because I smoked too much pot in high school and skipped too many classes.  I was totally bored.  I was also very angry. 

The US was trying to win an unwinnable war in Vietnam.  The president was a crook.  My draft number was 54.  I didn’t want to join the army, travel to foreign lands, meet fascinating people, and kill them.  The war ended just before my number was up. 

I barely made it out of high school, grade wise.  But, I was a great multiple choice test taker and I was a voracious reader.  I always had a book in my back pocket, mostly science fiction.  So I took the regional and national tests and got a state scholarship, free tuition at any state school.   Went to my local 2-year college, because I worked in a factory first, and then, college looked better. 

Lived at home.  Did fairly well at junior college, maybe because I was treated as an adult.   No one was looking over my shoulder.   Enjoyed doing my work in between classes.  

As an aside, that is a good recommendation for changing high school to look more like junior college.   Try scheduling fewer classes, 2-3 days per week per subject.    And start school at 10 am!   Heretical! 

Went on to a 4-year university.  Moved out.  Grew up. 

I was always a scientist.  Reading about science.  Doing the experiments kids do in the back yard.  Didn’t blow anything up, I still have all my fingers.  As a young kid I was going to be a herpetologist, study reptiles.  In college, I was going to be a field biologist and study eagles in Alaska. 

After the BS, I was working half time as a medical technologist and waiting for my fiancé to finish her BA.  I spoke with my former biochemistry teacher who offered me a position doing science in his lab.  I then decided to explore graduate school.  Wow, they paid your way!  You worked as a teaching or research assistant and they paid your tuition.  Got the MS, and working toward the PhD I found I needed “more input.”  So finished the PhD and got into medical school. 

I had a parallel interest in martial arts.  This led to an interest in meditation.  Eventually the two interests converged so I was doing research on meditation and it’s effects on the immune response. 

That’s enough of that, for now…  

Heretic

From Dictionary.com: 

Anyone who does not conform to an established attitude, doctrine, or principle.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/heretic

I have always explored the edges of what is known.  I am interested in human evolution, the evolution of human consciousness.  Conventional science does a poor job of accepting anything outside of its comfort zone.  There is evidence for distance healing, psychic connections to past lives, and perhaps information from the future.  Physics does not preclude that the entirety of existence actually occurs all at once.  With time being only an illusion of our animal brain.  Heretic! 

Additionally, the whole system seems to be broken.  The health care system, in the US at least, seems to be broken, global economies are in dire straits, countries are at war with each other, social and personal relationships seem to be in turmoil.   What is going on?

Another, more heretical view, is that these systems are exactly where they should be. 

What if both conclusions are true?  All these systems are broken, and they are exactly where we should expect them to be, at this moment in time.  

This latter statement “at this moment in time,” perhaps is most important. 

Perhaps what we need is the thousand-year view.  Where were we 100 years ago?  The average age of death was at about age 45, today it is closer to 80.  There was radio, but no television, computers, or internet.  It took days to weeks to travel what now takes us hours.  A thousand years ago your average age of death was in your 20’s, and life was very difficult for the vast majority of individuals.  To quote Thomas Hobbes, for most people, “life was nasty, brutish, and short.”  In this light I believe we are in a better place.  Heretic!   

Am I saying to accept what is going on right now without protest?  Absolutely not! 

 But, I would like to propose some questions:

 

1-Can we hold 2 ideas that seem to be complete opposites?

2-Is there actually more truth contained, when we hold 2 seemingly opposing ideas? 

3-How do we become more comfortable with holding 2 seemingly estranged ideas at the same time? 

4-How can holding opposing views help us evolve as humans, maybe also so that our social systems evolve with us? 

5-How can considerations of the science and ideas at the edges of what is known, help us to better understand our world, and help us to grow as individuals and societies?

Come join me on an exploration of your deeper self, developing a wider range of lenses through which to see the world, and maybe have a little fun along the way. 

I plan to explore the edges of what we know.  Controversial subjects.  You know, maybe even some of my other favorite heretical subjects; sex, guns, drugs, and rock and roll! 

Enlightenment is next.