In the distant past I identified as a lazy individual…
I would procrastinate until the very last minute, putting off those tasks I did not want to perform.
After contemplation, through meditation and psychotherapy, I realized what I was seeking was to be efficient.
I did not want to waste my precious time on worthless tasks, such as homework…
I would rather be out hanging with friends listening to music and discussing deep philosophical ideas, driving around town with my friend Neil who had a car, walking or swimming at the beach, bicycling around town, or spending hours reading about science and reading science fiction.
It is hard to know who you are when you are young…
It takes a lifetime of specific work to start to know yourself…
I first learned to meditate in the 1970’s as part of my training in martial arts at our local community college. I went to community college first because I barely graduated high school.
I learned that meditation allows the monkey mind to get out of the way, so that your martial art was more efficient.
Several trips on LSD at about age 15-16 further clarified the way my mind worked.
I had an early experience of psychotherapy at about the same age when I was caught rolling cannabis by my parents, and, therefore, sent to someone to make sure I was not “crazy.” He did some standardized testing and counseling sessions and told my parents I was not a danger to myself and was just a smart teenager terribly bored by school.
I was an on and off meditator until the 1990’s when I was working hard trying to gain tenure at the UW-Madison. That stressor had me waking at 3 am and going to the bathroom to meditate sitting on my folded bathrobe.
I eventually started meditating with Vipassana groups, sitting for longer periods of time.
It would usually take the first 2-3 days of a 7-10-day retreat for the mind to calm down.
After many retreats and continued meditation, the mind could slip into “Calm Clear Mind” just by stopping for a moment. I have written about “keeping a toe dipped into” this mind state at most times.
That is what I call “The Reflex.”
When I avoid meditating, labeling myself as too tired, too busy, I feel that monkey mind arising…
Meditating can feel like a chore, it takes time to sit…
On the surface, it can feel like a waste of precious time.
Of course, sitting in meditation makes me more efficient.
This last time I lapsed in my practice, when I sat, I came up with this thought of “The Reflex Gets Rusty.”
It becomes a little more difficult to slip into the calm clear mind state.
It no long feels like having a toe dipped in this mind state.
I don’t berate myself for not sitting…
I find it amusing…
This uncovers the various selves that make up our personalities, in this case, that part that thinks that sitting is not efficient and that part that knows that sitting makes me more efficient.
Contemplation allows a deeper and more complete uncovering of how the mind works…
May uncover formerly unconscious information…
And the mind will continue to change and evolve…
Part of the Beauty and Mystery of existence…
Enjoy the ride…
Namaste
